Work

I am in work today. 7am. Waiting for Mr A to arrive although he won't be here until after 8am, even though it's due to him that i am here this morning.

He's been very down just lately, i think he is being bullied by his employers into producing stuff for which he is not given enough time. he wanted me to help him out yesterday but i had too many prior comittments to get through, so i thought i would offer myself to him today.

When i told Mistress yesterday that i would be working with MrA She giggled and said, "mmmm you'll be able to share your ciggies with him then, he will like that, I shall have to get you a nice girly lighter to use when you're with him". I wonder what She was insinuating?

I tried on the new shoes that Mistress got me last night, they are very comfy with a 4" heel. She also bought me some makeup which i didn't have chance to use because i was so tired last night i just vegetated in front of the telly with Mistress. She had me locked in the cb3000 all evening and throughout the night, even though She had promised to let me out to play with me. I didn't really mind though because I love Her and She knows whats best for sissies.

I am wearing a t-shirt and jeans for work today and i notice that my boobs do show under my clothes now. I am quite self-conscious about them and wonder if My A will notice or if he does notice, whether he will say anything.

Hopefully the day will pass quickly because i am very tired and i will be going to sleep on the sofa when i get home - if i can get the dog off it.

When i touch my nipples they spring up really quickly and poke out noticeably through the material of my t-shirt. They also feel really nice and sensitive and there is some soft flesh under them which means when i tug at them they pull out quite far. I am now running a finger over them and squeezing my legs together because it feels yummy. I really should get on with some work. Legs crossed. Girl mode. Be femme. Be Rose.

Sissified

I feel quite normal now. But earlier I didn't feel like putting on makeup. I didn't even feel like going on cam. But Mistress said She had bought new cleaning stuff for my eyes and face so i should. And i did.

Should i feel silly? i do .

Sissified by my Wife and made to like it.

Stop it . Stop these thoughts.

Just accept it

Naughty Bits

This morning i emailed Mistress from work to tell Her how much i had enjoyed getting some makeup on again last night. She said She had got me some new cleanser and eye makeup remover so i could wear it every night.

I asked Her if She would be so kind as to put my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight.

I finished work quite early and was able to take Mistress to work. On the way She played with my cockette, and giggled when it started to grow, telling me to put it back in my pants. She told me if i wanted my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight i was to make sure they were shaved supersmooth.Yummy. She never mentioned the cage.

Now She is at work and i have to be horny for hours, so best thing is to get bathed, shaved and in chastity.

Mistress

Mistress. You are so knowing
You knew Rose before I did
You let me fail sometimes
And encourage me to succeed
You are superior to me in every way
You are my inspiration
Since we were almost children
You have been there.
You work so hard
You put everyone else before Yourself
You tolerate my weaknesses
I wallow in your strength
I will never be as strong as you
You are my life
Everything that matters to me comes from You
I imagine us old, and happy
Like i imagined us old and happy on the night we met
Seventeen and i met my Goddess
Seventeen and i was Yours
Please make me of me what you will
I so want to be Yours forever
Rose would not be here without You
I am such a weak sissy and you are Woman
My crutch. All i can give is Yours.
Your normality. My extravagance.
Your reality. My indulgences.
You worry and i worry for You
We have been through so much,
and still we giggle like kids
And embarrass our kids
I watch you age with such grace and beauty
I thank God for You.
I thank Your Mother for you.
I wish, with all my heart
That you love Rose
Even when she cries, or
Is sullen and temperamental
Sometimes it's scary
Feeling different
Wondering if there's a point
Where there's no turning back
And yet, You hold the reigns
Always guiding me. Thank Yyou.
i know i am not much of a man
And that i never was. But
Hopefully, as always, Love wins
I cherish our kisses
Sometimes i hate You but
i hate myself more
Two sides of the same coin
Because You are everything i feel
Mistress. my Wife. my Friend.
Thank You for just letting me be.

Lovely Pretty Thoughts

Mistress i hope you read this still. I love you. I feel nice right now. You are asleep. I am on cam in my makeup. Just wanted to say to say that no matter what anyone thinks I love you.

Put in my Place

I forgot to take my pill last night. Mistress forgot to give it me or i forgot to ask for it. One of the two. I should remind Mistress shortly.

On yahoo chat last night i wa sspeaking to a lady with whom i have chatted before. She doesn't speak much, but what She says holds a certain significance because before i had the opportunity to speak to her, a couple of years ago, i would speak to her husband. He is also a sissy. They have no children so she dresses him far more frequently than i could ever be allowed to. Anyway, i just happened to mention that Mistress was a little under the weather and this lady said that she hoped that i was pampering Mistress. I told her that i could do more to keep Mistress content. All the lady said was "of course you can" and i was dumbfounded. It was like an epiphany.

How can i so repeatedly forget my rightful place in the natural order. Somewhere near the bottom. How can i presume so readily that i have arrived. I thanked the lady for her kind and potent words. Hopefully i can act upon them.

I know the easy answer. The control mechansim. The cb3000. The sissymaker. Sissies should be in constant chastity to enable their emasculation. It's not rocket science. Once the sexual gratification of crossdressing can be released only under control, the pleasure of being feminine needs to be expressed in other ways. The sissy will become introspective. Less prone to bullish outbursts.

Feminize me Please

The start of another working week and i am here bright and early, all smooth and pantied and smelling lovely. I was showing myself off again last night on my webcam. Chatting to some friends and politely thanking any strangers who saw fit to comment upon my appearance.

Mistress and i went to bed earlyish. But before i joined Her in bed i played Her a couple of bimbofication hypnosis files. Just to get Her started once again. She had on the most divine pair of orange frilly panties through which the soft plumpness of Her shaved pussy could be stroked. Indeed, we watched some adult movie clips of girls performing oral sex on huge penises whilst we played with each other. She barely held my cockette, just enough for me to feel Her touch as she stroked me tortuously towards my release. I remember begging to be allowed to put it inside Her but She would not allow it. I was to simply stroke Her through Her panties. After a while She pulled the front of Her panties out, inviting me to slip my fingers inside and tease her down there more effectively. I did so, becoming ever more agitated with Her delicate fingers on my cockette.

She climbed upon me as a i lay back and i thought She was going to guide me into Her. She told me She wanted to come on my belly. I was not put it in Her. Just play with Her and myself whilst i sucked Her breasts. I came with Her. Spent and sissified. Denied the chance the love Her like a man. Yet loving Her for doing the right thing.

This morning i mentioned to Her that it was my pill day today. I was hoping She would give me one before i set out for work but now it seems i will be waiting until this evening.

Yesterday i repainted my toes a deep red. I go barefoot about the house now so everybody sees my feet and neither of the boys has said anything about it. Although when my daughter saw them she commented that i could have made a better job of them. I teased her that they looked better than when she did them for me.

I hope the episode of me hating myself for being sissy isn't repeated for a considerable time now. I want to embrace it. The more aspects of my femininity that Mistress allows to be shown full time, the more it feels totally normal. I was standing outside earlier, smoking , and i wondered if i really would become a full time feminine person in the not too distant future. And i wondered if i would look back with fondness on the period of time between me looking for all the world male, and me becoming unmistakeably feminine. This sissy period is quite important i feel. It's a time when it may be up to me to sieze the moment. To make opportunities and not to eschew any potential changes. I must take every chance i am given to renounce my maleness. It's ok trying to be feminine. The tricky part is not being masculine.

I wore the cb3000 yesterday for a few hours. I was never going to wear that thing again, but I put it on to please Mistress. I need it. I would like a better chastity, perhaps a permanent one with a frenum piercing lock rather than a cockring. Something that could be worn for a whole year. Something that would completely emasculate me. I spoke to Mistress about a strap on last night because if she were to do me in that manner regularly and i was given to realise that that would be the way i had sex from now on She would find Herself in more control over me. Once again She said She wasn't ready for that, but She agreed that perhaps i should start wearing a butt plug regularly. I wait with eager excitement to see if that transpires.

Multipill Orgasm

Last night was pretty much the same as Friday night. Wig etc. Some nice comments. Some not nice comments. But nothing worth dwelling upon. The camslut is a common beast, really not worthy of prose. But also i had another pill. So that was one on friday and another on saturday. I hope Mistress is keeping count. Sex at 3am is killing me. My jaw aches.

Hair Today

Mistress txtd me this morning to tell me She is hoping to buy me a wig today, and some false eyelashes and some new stockings. I'll wait to see what transpires because daughter is shopping with her also so there may not be the opportunity to buy a wig.

I need to plan this weekend because if i don't i will find that my own self absorption will result in my neglect of Mistress' training and that would be a waste especially as She has shown an interest in restarting the hypnosis sessions.

We had already decided not to meet up for lunch today because Mr A had told us last week that he was too busy etc, so it came as a surprise when he asked me this morning if we were still going for something to eat today. I told him that Mistress had decided to go shopping instead. I wish he'd make his mind up.

The response to my male persona appearing in yahoo chat the other night has been varied, and in some cases surprising. I've found that some of the people who come across as "tg friendly" or whatever the in vogue term is today really have trouble in understanding that a transvestite is a man.

what an exciting prospect this evening. Doing my cam model thing, only this evening it's possible that i may be in makeup and jewellry and wig. I wonder what style Mistress is looking for. She knows i favour a bob. In my natural colour, blonde.

I hope She remembers tonight is my pill night too.

Hot Wife

Mistress has agreed to a new course of hypnosis. Previously She responded after only one week of listening to files. I have suggested She get an ipod so that I can record some subliminals for Her over Her favourite sounds.

It's never easy coming up with a fresh set of truisims and suggestions for a new trance file - especially as i have not yet decided upon the nature of Her transformation. Her previous forays involved the bimbo file and the perfect wife file and She showed favourable response to both.

I will perhaps look at combining both of these "alters" into a Hot Wife file. this should keep Her fresh and pretty. Well dressed but hardworking and almost continuously thinking about sex. her priority will be Her family and Her sissy, keeping all happy , whilst also looking hot and attractive to both men and women.

I did once play a naughty trick on Mistress once and slipped a rule into one of my files whereby She would feel compelled to stare at mens crotches whenever the opportunity arose.

Meanwhile i will continue to develop my own personal files with the intention of making my ongoing sissifcation seem the most natural thing in the world. Which, of course, it is.

I noticed last night She is still wearing the CB3000 key around Her neck. We really need to find a local chastity slave.

Calvin Klein Boxers

Last night I spent on cam on yahoo but not en femme. Mistress didn't mind. She was not being distant with me. She never got her spanking as agreed, but we did make love for a couple of hours - (she complained of being sore this morning). It still amazes me how long a good cock ring can make me last and last night i was priapic in the extreme.

This morning when i came to get dressed i noticed She had put some Calvin Klein boxers out for me. It felt really weird wearing them, and i mentioned to Mistress that She'd put them out and that i was wearing them. She said She didn't know what to do for the best so She put out boxers.

I told Her i would have preferred panties and I went and sorted myself some out. Then i undressed in front of Her and pulled on the panties. See through pink with white lace trim.

Mistress smiled and told me She really does prefer me in panties and i felt ashamed to have once again made myself look foolish by pretending that i was not a sissy. We spoke about the cage. I felt that maybe it was that control aspect that i may have been more rebelling against.

We agreed that we should find someone else to wear it and they will be mine, not Mistress's. I want my own sissy pet. I think i have a lot to offer the right trainee.

Before i left for work i could not resist standing in front of Mistress and pulling out my soft little cockette from within it's snug, silky confines. She popped it in Her mouth and swirled Her tongue around it a few times before pulling away with a soft slurp and telling me get my ass off to work.

And i have come to the conclusion that i should keep myself to myself when in chat if i am to be rose. Answer no more questions about myself or Mistress because it is here in this blog for all to see. I shall just be as vaccuous as is expected of someone like me.

The Old Switcheroo

The dynamics of a sub / dom relationship. What happens when the submissive says no?

Mistress phoned me this morning. She had read my latest entry and said She had no idea i was so sad, and was it Her fault? I was vague with Her. Not really expanding on what i had written earlier. She later txtd me and asked me whether Mr A had enjoyed the wedding he went to over the weekend with some from the office. I told Her he had said that he nearly hit one of the office girls' bf because they were being oafish. Mistress got confused and thought i meant he was close to hitting the office girl. I explained to Her that he wouldn't do that and bf meant boyfriend. I want on to say that, however, i would not hesitate to hit a girl and txt "bend over naughty missy". She wrote back asking if I meant Her and said of course. Then She said something which took me aback.

Tonight? Hand spanking only? On cam?

Well Ok then.

Horny

Mistress made me sleep in my cage last night. Not that i was too concerned. She gave me a pill before bedtime. She let me have nice lie in this morning and even allowed me out of my cage to have a bath and a shave. She even insisted i was smooth. She never usually insists, just expects. I guess She just wanted me out of the way for a bit.

Now it's lunchtime and i have been chatting on yahoo. All clean and smooth and perfumed. in white see through top and white panties. a flared denim skirt and tan holdups with my silver shoes. The suns is shining so i will put some shorts on now and see if it's worth being out in the garden.

Oh yes. I feel incredibly horny this morning too. And very submissive and sort of electric.

Mistress

Being good Ma'am. i know i was a brat the last couple of days. Hope i still get my pill tonight.
Locked as soon as i could. Missing you.

Mr. A

Mr. A was supposed to be coming for lunch with Mistress and me next Friday. We were going to go to Purnells but he thought it would be a bit too expensive. He would only think that because he insists on paying for everything all the time. I told him Mistress would be paying anyway. Then yesterday he said he would have to change the date to the following week because he had got some family stuff to attend to. I explained that next week was Mistress' week off and that it would have been easier for Her and he said he would try to change his plans.

I know his father has been ill, in and out of hospital recently so it's probably that that's making him hesitant about coming out with us. I hope it's not because he knows about Rose. He has seemed ok with me since i told him. No difference at all really. I wonder if i act different now. Whether he perceives me as different.

Perhaps it doesn't even register on his radar.

That would be so ironic. Me fretting like a teenager and he couldn't care less. Thankfully he has been as discreet as i could have wished for although one never knows what one's colleagues say when one is away.

Mistress kept me uncaged again last night. Chastity wasn't even mentioned. She made a few passing remarks about whether i had been good, but i rather think my distant mood put a barrier up between us. Sometimes when i am enveloped in that cloud i can see and feel the good vibes on the outside, but they fail to move me. And that's how i felt last night. Each question or remark, aside or comment would be greeted with monosyllabic response. In lighter, more contemplative moments i am so grateful Mistress even bothers to speak to me when i am down inside myself like that. But she keeps gently probing, stoically coaxing me back to a place where smiling is easier.

And now, this being Friday, i am determined to enjoy it. It's raining hard outside. I was first in the office again so it's coffee and blog and soon i will pop out for toast. It will have to be toast because i have had a few nice sandwiches this week, and some quite big meals and i lost lots of weight which would be so easy to put back on. So definately toast.

And i will try not to sing. People must me frightened to tell me. I must be so annoying sometimes. Singing all day.

I have this fear that Mistress will make me put the cb3000 this evening. I won't refuse again, it's for my own good. And i also think once it's on i am in for a very long weekend of contemplation, servitude, learning, devotion. I want to put some makeup on tonight. I will mention to Mistress later on this morning when i email Her. And i will ask Her to remind me to put some on once the household quietens down late evening. Now for some reason i have started crying. Not good at work to have tears welling up in one's eyes.

Edge Play

Mistress let me get away with so much last night. Firstly She told me to wear my cage and i disobeyed Her. I usually have it on before i pick Her up from work in the early evening - especially if instructed to - but last night i decided to be free for the evening. Mistress took it light heartedly and promised me a caning before bed.

At bedtime i didn't get the caning but we made love for more than an hour and when Mistress woke up this morning She went back to bed, exhausted so i must have done something right.

On yahoo last night i was speaking to a gentleman who turned out to be a bit of a sissy and he told me he wanted me to dominate and punish him. Especially with the cane. I told him there was every possibility of that happening and, if he shows up in chat tonight, he can have my phone number. I did of courese check with Mistress first before confirming that i could be his sissy dom for an evening. It could turn out to be quite cool as i do have a sadistic streak which hardly ever gets let out.

Rose is Me

I told Mr. A about Rose. Here's how it happened. Firstly i emailed Mistress to ask Her to send me a Red Hot Chilli Peppers track to work. I signed the email, as always in my correspondence to Her, rose.

Mistress sent me the track and because i don't have speakers i forwarded it to Mr. A to see if it was the right song She had sent. Ten minutes later he called to me across the office, asking who Rose was. Damn. I couldn't stop shaking. I rolled two ciggies the best i could and ushered him outside with me. So, he asked, who is Rose? is that your pet name for your wife?

I told him no, it was Her pet name for me. First he laughed. Then he said no way. Then he asked if i wore womens clothes. I told him not all womens clothes like a skirt and stuff, but essentially i do adopt some feminine characteristics when i can. It's understandable that he was a bit shocked and i really wish i had never had to tell him, but he would have kept asking about Rose.

It's horrible to put my woes on someone who doesn't really want them. I told him that if i was going to tell anyone it would be him and that i am telling him because i trust him. I didn't tell him that i saw him as sensitive because one guy does not say that to another guy usually. Especially after a bombshell like i just dropped.

I told him i was taking hormones. Showed him my bracelet. He still looked and spoke in a slightly shocked way. Still seemed slightly bemused by it all. He said it was probably a phase i was going through. Mid life crises etc. I told him i didn't think so. I told him Mistress prefers Rose.

He asked if i was going to have a sex change. I told him i didn't know. For a brief minute i nearly cried, and that would have been it. I would never have shown my face in that office again.

I told him that it was a big thing for me to tell him this and hopefully he still saw me in the same light. I think that may be wishful thinking though.

My other concern is that half the office heard him ask me who Rose was. And i only hope he isn't questioned about it in my absence.

I emailed Mistress to tell Her what i had revealed to him. She asked of his reaction etc. I told Her and She said She loved me. Really and truthfully that is really all that has ever mattered to me. Her love.

Mistress

Mistress was being frivolous today before She went to work. Whilst i was at work She took these pics and phoned me to tell me to take a look at them when i got home. Wow Mistress !

She txtd me when i got home reminding me to lock myself up as soon as i have showered. So here i am. Hours before i pick Her up. Caged.

Sunday

Staying in. I know we should in Birmingham but Mistress changed her mind. She knows best. I will tell why as soon as i know. I hope jean did not go also, but she never got back so i can only imagine that her approach to Mistress has made her reticent about seeing Mistress again. Or maybe it is all my fault. I don't know.

Sorry Mistress

Sorry Ma'am i climaxed when You let me out this morning. It was before i showered. i don't know why . i just thought of myself in the black panties and pink nighty and i got excited and before i knew it i was hoping You wouldn't walk in.


Now early evening. caged. waiting for You Mistress.