Calvin Klein Boxers

Last night I spent on cam on yahoo but not en femme. Mistress didn't mind. She was not being distant with me. She never got her spanking as agreed, but we did make love for a couple of hours - (she complained of being sore this morning). It still amazes me how long a good cock ring can make me last and last night i was priapic in the extreme.

This morning when i came to get dressed i noticed She had put some Calvin Klein boxers out for me. It felt really weird wearing them, and i mentioned to Mistress that She'd put them out and that i was wearing them. She said She didn't know what to do for the best so She put out boxers.

I told Her i would have preferred panties and I went and sorted myself some out. Then i undressed in front of Her and pulled on the panties. See through pink with white lace trim.

Mistress smiled and told me She really does prefer me in panties and i felt ashamed to have once again made myself look foolish by pretending that i was not a sissy. We spoke about the cage. I felt that maybe it was that control aspect that i may have been more rebelling against.

We agreed that we should find someone else to wear it and they will be mine, not Mistress's. I want my own sissy pet. I think i have a lot to offer the right trainee.

Before i left for work i could not resist standing in front of Mistress and pulling out my soft little cockette from within it's snug, silky confines. She popped it in Her mouth and swirled Her tongue around it a few times before pulling away with a soft slurp and telling me get my ass off to work.

And i have come to the conclusion that i should keep myself to myself when in chat if i am to be rose. Answer no more questions about myself or Mistress because it is here in this blog for all to see. I shall just be as vaccuous as is expected of someone like me.

Mr. A

Mr. A was supposed to be coming for lunch with Mistress and me next Friday. We were going to go to Purnells but he thought it would be a bit too expensive. He would only think that because he insists on paying for everything all the time. I told him Mistress would be paying anyway. Then yesterday he said he would have to change the date to the following week because he had got some family stuff to attend to. I explained that next week was Mistress' week off and that it would have been easier for Her and he said he would try to change his plans.

I know his father has been ill, in and out of hospital recently so it's probably that that's making him hesitant about coming out with us. I hope it's not because he knows about Rose. He has seemed ok with me since i told him. No difference at all really. I wonder if i act different now. Whether he perceives me as different.

Perhaps it doesn't even register on his radar.

That would be so ironic. Me fretting like a teenager and he couldn't care less. Thankfully he has been as discreet as i could have wished for although one never knows what one's colleagues say when one is away.

Mistress kept me uncaged again last night. Chastity wasn't even mentioned. She made a few passing remarks about whether i had been good, but i rather think my distant mood put a barrier up between us. Sometimes when i am enveloped in that cloud i can see and feel the good vibes on the outside, but they fail to move me. And that's how i felt last night. Each question or remark, aside or comment would be greeted with monosyllabic response. In lighter, more contemplative moments i am so grateful Mistress even bothers to speak to me when i am down inside myself like that. But she keeps gently probing, stoically coaxing me back to a place where smiling is easier.

And now, this being Friday, i am determined to enjoy it. It's raining hard outside. I was first in the office again so it's coffee and blog and soon i will pop out for toast. It will have to be toast because i have had a few nice sandwiches this week, and some quite big meals and i lost lots of weight which would be so easy to put back on. So definately toast.

And i will try not to sing. People must me frightened to tell me. I must be so annoying sometimes. Singing all day.

I have this fear that Mistress will make me put the cb3000 this evening. I won't refuse again, it's for my own good. And i also think once it's on i am in for a very long weekend of contemplation, servitude, learning, devotion. I want to put some makeup on tonight. I will mention to Mistress later on this morning when i email Her. And i will ask Her to remind me to put some on once the household quietens down late evening. Now for some reason i have started crying. Not good at work to have tears welling up in one's eyes.

Rose is Me

I told Mr. A about Rose. Here's how it happened. Firstly i emailed Mistress to ask Her to send me a Red Hot Chilli Peppers track to work. I signed the email, as always in my correspondence to Her, rose.

Mistress sent me the track and because i don't have speakers i forwarded it to Mr. A to see if it was the right song She had sent. Ten minutes later he called to me across the office, asking who Rose was. Damn. I couldn't stop shaking. I rolled two ciggies the best i could and ushered him outside with me. So, he asked, who is Rose? is that your pet name for your wife?

I told him no, it was Her pet name for me. First he laughed. Then he said no way. Then he asked if i wore womens clothes. I told him not all womens clothes like a skirt and stuff, but essentially i do adopt some feminine characteristics when i can. It's understandable that he was a bit shocked and i really wish i had never had to tell him, but he would have kept asking about Rose.

It's horrible to put my woes on someone who doesn't really want them. I told him that if i was going to tell anyone it would be him and that i am telling him because i trust him. I didn't tell him that i saw him as sensitive because one guy does not say that to another guy usually. Especially after a bombshell like i just dropped.

I told him i was taking hormones. Showed him my bracelet. He still looked and spoke in a slightly shocked way. Still seemed slightly bemused by it all. He said it was probably a phase i was going through. Mid life crises etc. I told him i didn't think so. I told him Mistress prefers Rose.

He asked if i was going to have a sex change. I told him i didn't know. For a brief minute i nearly cried, and that would have been it. I would never have shown my face in that office again.

I told him that it was a big thing for me to tell him this and hopefully he still saw me in the same light. I think that may be wishful thinking though.

My other concern is that half the office heard him ask me who Rose was. And i only hope he isn't questioned about it in my absence.

I emailed Mistress to tell Her what i had revealed to him. She asked of his reaction etc. I told Her and She said She loved me. Really and truthfully that is really all that has ever mattered to me. Her love.

Polish and The Pill

Mistress and i had a heart to heart. i was sad and She could see it. i told Her i missed taking the pill. i miss the way it made me feel. i tried to tell Her how i felt inside. So much more femme than i look. i told Her i was scared that She would still need a man to satisfy Her and how that would simply kill me, if She were to become involved with someone else. i asked Her if She was bisexual and She said no and i was, in a way, diappointed because at least then if i got more femme my loss of masculinity would not starve Her too much of what i am still convinced She will yearn for in years to come - sex with a man. And when i think of it like that i am shamed to think that i don't see myself as a mn now. i have sexual intercourse with Mistress once a month, sometimes twice and the male side of me feels inadequate. The female side of me wants to appease the male side of me by saying "ok let your Wife have Her hubby back and give Her a man in Her life again and stop being a sissy and be that man". And then it's just impossible. Hard to think about. Easier to comply.



Mistress said She would start me on two pills per week. In one months time.



I tried to explain how grateful i was. How nobody knew how i felt, even Her, but the words just , melted and i could feel myself going and next thing i was in Her arms and tears were welling up in my eyes.



I am so glad to have the pill to look forward to. i liked how it made me feel. Mistress says i am frustrated because i do not look like the person i feel inside anymore. She says i should be more considerate for other people and not wish to impose rose upon them. Mistress knows best because She is a woman.



Later this evening i paintedMistress and daughters toenails. It was a lovely girly night in watching the St Trinians movie. The boys had gone out drinking or whatever it is they do. After i had done their toes daughter asked if i still wanted mine doing. I did not need to be asked twice.

Mistress later told me to enjoy it, but not to rush daughter or to scare her with rose. i am still daddy to her.

Locked

Mistress was good enough to let me have Friday night out of chastity and She has been nice to me this morning and has not even told me to put on my cage. However i must put it on. i just want Her to know that i like it and i am glad She looks after me. i am so lucky to have a Mistress like Her. She understands and helps. Guides. Directs. Loves.

I hope we live forever. i wish She had brought rose out earlier. i am so glad She likes rose.