Friday, 31 October 2008

Trick or Treat

It's nearly time to pick Mistress up from work. All the kids are out. The boys are drinking in the pub and daughter is trick or treating. I am wrapped up well in panties, tights and jeans. I have on a lace vest under a t-shirt and thick jumper. I am wearing think pink fluffy socks and trainers. I have already bathed and shaved all over. I added onions to the steak in the oven as Mistress said.

Earlier today Mistress emailed me. She started it "darling rose" and told me how much She enjoyed last night's lovemaking and how She was looking forward to it again tonight. I know She starts Her period tomorrow so i must make the most of what She is offering. Even though i am not sure how will feel later this evening. I am sure that even if i feel jaded i can lick Her but i wonder if that's enough. I don't like planning things. I like them to just happen.

Mistress always calls me Rose when She wakes me up in the mornings. She always wakes first. Did i really say i fingered my ass? Gosh how depraved.


Hooray its Friday. The mornings are distinctly cold now and we have already had snow over the past couple of days so i am expecting a crisp weekend of having to wrap up warm.

Last night we made love. There was a lot of foreplay - as usual, whilst we watched some interracial porn, but then when i made it clear i wanted to enter Her, Mistress smiled and let me inside.

I am determined to put some makeup on this evening. I wish Mistress would read this before tonight, so She could be in no doubt as to how girlyfied i want to be. Desparately need to be sissified. I have my owl panties on this morning. They are nice and snug with legs cut high across each buttock. If i squeeze my thighs together my cockette grows a little and the panties get tight and it feels sexy. I should have worn some tights too.

I fingered my ass last night. not something i do a lot of. But i was watching a girl do it in a movie and i thought yummy so i did it. I think i might do it again soon.

Mistress won't want me in the cage this weekend. Will she?

Thursday, 30 October 2008

Put in my Place

Mistress was pleased with the cage. She had promised that we could make love last night so i was expecting to be allowed out before sleep time.

Late evening i spent in front of the webcam, smoking thai stick and drinking chardonnay. When Mistress came to bed She instructed me to put some porn on for us to watch. I was allowed to pat her mound gently whilst She tugged at my lock. I was engorged to an uncomfortable extent and eventually asked Her if i may go down on Her with my mouth. I was still in basque and stockings , and soon curled foetally with my head between Her long sexy legs kissing and flicking and poking with my tongue while She continued to watch the movies, whimpering from time to time. She came a couple of times althought the first one seemed more intense. I returned to Her side and enquired about being let out, reminding Her of Her promise to let me fuck Her. She replied that i had just tongue fucked Her which counts as a fuck.

Her logic is impeccable.

She asked if i would like to be let out to cum on my belly? Of course, this sissy could have wallowed in his own petulance, but instead i meekly agreed to my sissy milking.

Love you Mistress J for making me smell so nice this morning and making me want You.

Wednesday, 29 October 2008


I put it on and locked it this afternoon. After i had bathed and shaved. Mistress bought me some stockings even though i hadn't asked. I wonder if it's Her payday this week.

I haven't felt quite connected to Rose. Like i have been going through the motions, once again without progressing. And for ages it hasn't bothered me. I didn't feel frustrated about Mistress not seeming to be interested. Not buying me anything new. Not encouraging me to wear the makeup more often.
Then i realised i am spoiled and accommodated.
So now i am locked up and Mistress doesn't even know yet. But She will, because She is now in control of me. I am looking at porn just to make myself horny and attentative.
Such a wimp sissy.

Monday, 27 October 2008

Mistress' Pussy

Such a treasure. This sissy spends all his time thinking of Her pussy. I got 10 minutes of tasting it on Sunday night.

I borrowed daughter's PC over the weekend and managed to get on webcam for a short time. I intended to make my face up and spend Saturday night chatting away to anyone and everyone. But it didn't happen. I went to bed in a mood. Through my own stupid fault i missed out on lovemaking and cam showing. I cannot even remember why i became so moody that i went to bed early. Sometimes it just comes on like that. Maybe i was just fed up with not being man enough to take Mistress properly. To take Her and fuck Her. Excuse my language.

Friday, 24 October 2008

I miss my PC

God this is going to be a long couple of weeks, without access to my webcam or a chatroom. I am still shaving and dressing in my house femme clothes but i miss the opportunity to sit alone at the PC wearing some nice lingerie and showing lots of smooth flesh.
Plus i have to learn how to get stuff off my old hardrive now that it's power supply has gone and there's so much sissy stuff on it i cannot ask anyone else to look at it for me.

Last night Mistress teased me. After She had showered she donned the most delightful pair of pink see through panties with a ruffle waistband. Her trimmed bush looked gorgeous under them. I was allowed to stroke Her panties and my cockette at the same time.

When we got to bed She giggled and said we should watch some porn - knowing full well it was all on my broken PC. So we fondled each other . Although i had to ask permission to stroke Her panties. She directed me to run my finger between Her lips very gently, almost lightly scratching the thin material covering them. When my hand began to stray towards and under the waistband She slapped it and told me to continue stroking over Her panties. All the time her light touch teased my engorged cockette. Finally i was allowed inside Her panties. But only to stroke the outer lips. I was told to gently pinch Her nipples whilst doing so.

I came. Wishing i could enter Her. Wishing any part of me. My finger, tongue, cockette, anything. And then i came. Thrusting my hips against Her almost nonchalant grasp.

Now this morning all i can think of is Her pussy. Wanting to taste it. Wanting to wet my whole face on it. I am a horny sissy in pink panties and i smell like a girl and i deserve not to be inside Her. She deserves a sissy to control and tease. Mistress knows best.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

1st Thursday without PC

Mistress and i both had the day off work yesterday. I would like to be able to say i was on cam all day chatting and showing off my body but my computer has broken. Properly broken. The power supply has broken. It's going to be a couple of weeks until i get a new PC.

At least i was lucky enough to spend the whole day dressed nice and around lunchtime we made love. We still had to go in the bedroom because the dog would have thought it was playtime if we tried in in front of the fire. Mistress was pleased at how big and hard i was and i would have liked to have gone on for a lot longer but after about 15 minutes of me being inside Her whilst gently tapping her clitoris, Her panting and general demeanour indicating just how much She was enjoying it put me over the edge and i came inside Her.

Mistress told me She didn't like girls. She liked me. We had been discussing it the previous evening and i was teasing Her about finding a ladyfriend for Herself. I said i would be more than glad to go back in chastity if She could find a ladyfriend to lock me up. It was all very lighthearted.

Yesterday, when we were at home together for the day, She mentioned getting Jean to lock my cockette up. That would be interesting.

Gosh i hate not being able to get online at home. I can only write to my blog because i am in work early and can jot a few thoughts down before I start work. It's not ideal because some of the stuff that crosses my mind i would like to write down immediately but, instead, i have to wait until i get on this computer at the office and often the thought has gone by the time i come to write it. and i end up waffling like now.

Monday, 20 October 2008

I Don't Like Mondays

I can see where Bob Geldof was coming from. It's dark still. The office is cold. The coffee is bitter. I smell lovely though. I wanted to stay in bed this morning. It was so cosy, even after Mistress had got up, and i could stretch and roll around under the duvet wishing that the 5 minutes before i stepped into the cold would last for ever.

I went the whole weekend without touching Mistress intimately. How did that happen? The weekend went well. Quiet and relaxing for both of us i think.

Mistress told me that She had tried contacting jean but there had been no reply. I was surprised when She said She had actually tried to get in touch with him as She hadn't mentioned any particular plans that involved him and me. Maybe She will be going out with him without me. Not likely but who can tell?.

Mistress said She's going to get a few pairs of tights so that i can wear them for work through the winter. Yesterday She told me again how pretty i looked on Saturday night. I almost wanted to put my face on again last night but it would be just too risky with work this morning. I don't want to turn up to the office with panda eyes.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Candid Mistress

We were on the webcam last night. Both Mistress and me. Only briefly was She on but it was still nice and She showed Her face and i knelt besdie Her as She sat for all to see.

I didn't feel like putting any makeup on at first. But later i felt a real need. I didn't want to miss another opportunity. Mistress told me i looked pretty. I should have been gracious but all i could say was "yeah right" and She was put out by it.

That's the kind of little thing that i really should try hard to avoid. Those little flippant remarks that cut to the quick. All She was doing was loving me.

Anyway Misstress, it was a lovely evening last night. We both slept really late this morning.

Friday, 17 October 2008

Dinner is on but the chastity cage isn't. Mistress, i put it on and didn't lock it and i only had it on for 5 minutes and it got uncomfortable. I only put it on because i was in the bath shaving my legs and thinking how long it had been since i had been locked in. I have forgotten how it felt. For 5 mins this afternoon it was scary and uncomfortable. Perhaps it's because i had the fishnet tights over the top of it. I'm still wearing them now Mistress, as i wait around until i pick you up from work.

Have my boobs shrunk? You haven't mentioned hormones and i don't want to keep asking but if you are not then i would like to hear it. Did the pill make me feel different, or was it the act of taking of it that made me think i felt different? I don't feel the same now. Not as soft inside and i liked that feeling.

I felt self conscious at work today. I usually don't. But today i was acutely aware of the perfume i was wearing. It embarrassed me knowing that people could smell me in the lift and when they leant over to me to chat. And it wasn't that i liked the embarrassment in some fetishistic sort of way because i didn't. I felt uncomfortable all day, like i wanted to be more masculine. Even now i am wearing male clothes over my panties and tights and only briefly, earlier, when i had the cage on did i put something feminine on. Will i later?

I hope you enjoyed my serenade last night, Mistress. That really was like old times. 25 years ago in my room at my Mom's house, playing guitar and writing songs and making toast on that old enamel three bar fire. I used to put my cannabis resin on it to soften it. Do you remember i wore your french knickers once when we cuddled on the bed? You asked me if i was i transvestite? I said no.

I remember you throwing away your engagement ring - twice. I remember that really rainy drive to wales. I love you so much. I remember you walking into the music room and looking at me and seeing you for the first time since we were at primary school . And then i remember the same night seeing you in the coffee bar and you seemed to want me to talk to you. And i did. And i think that was the most important night of my life.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Sissy Facts

A sissy obeys his Mistress without question. A sissy treats all Women with respect. A sissy looks up to mature men. A sissy must always wear panties. A sissy never swears. A sissy always says please and thank you. A sissy will never subjugate anyone. A sissy always smells feminine. A sissy carries a purse. A sissy keeps himself smooth all over. A sissy never initiates sex. A sissy always sits to pee. A sissy never puts himself first. A sissy is no longer the man in his Wife's life. A sissy never strides. A sissy keeps his elbows in. A sissy keeps his eyes down. A sissy wants to change his shape. A sissy wears makeup whenever possible. A sissy never raises his voice. A sissy speaks only when spoken to. A sissy loves cooking. A sissy's work is never done. A sissy's sexual organ is his tongue. A sissy likes other sissies. A sissy is sympathetic. A sissy has pocket money if he is good. A sissy paints his toenails. A sissy paints his Mistress' toenails. A sissy always holds the door open. A sissy craves leadership. A sissy must ask before touching himself. A sissy adores and admires strong minded women.

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Piercings and Jean

Mistress told me She wants to get my ears pierced. She almost had me wear lipstick around the house for the first time this evening, but instead She plumped for a transparent gloss instead. It tastes of strawberries.

She wants me to fuck Her tonight. I jokingly told Her no so She poked Her toes into the leg of my shorts and tickled my dicklet. So i jokingly told Her to get a boyfriend.

Anyway i am fucking Her. She wants sissy to perform his duties She said.

And omigod Jean left Mistress a voicemail. Mistress told me She would get back in touch with Jean. It's nice of Jean to try to contact Her instead of me. Hopefully we will get to that BBB eventually.

Mistress had a spliff tonight. She is very touchy feely now. This sissy will make Her tingle all night.


Mistress bought me a bottle of Gloria Vanderbilt perfume yesterday. It's been a couple of weeks since i ran out and i nearly forgot just how yummy it smells.

I was so pleased i put some makeup on after i had done my chores and went on webcam on yahoo. I don't usually put on makeup during the week just in case i go to work the next morning with mascara still on.

I remember taking my panties off for someone. I also remember what a reality check it is when one is chatting in a room on yahoo that is not transvestite or CD friendly. I felt like a freak. I was called names and laughed at. I don't blame the antagonists at all because when one is surrounded by people who at least sympathise with one's abnormal behaviour it becomes difficult to perceive of any ill feelings outside of that little bubble. It was a wakeup call. It put me in my place.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Coconut Oil

Last night i set the webcam up (with Mistress' permission) such that it was possible to see Her lying on the bed in all Her naked glory. I had promised Her a full body and foot massage and duly obliged. I was sissified as i attended Her. I noted that there were only 12 people watching our little revelation although i didn't stop to check who they actually were.

After She had been fully massaged i put on some lesbian erotica - an older lady and a younger lady, perhaps 25 years between them. Mistress made little whimpering noises as She watched and played with my cockette and sucked and bit my nipples. My nipples are not as sensitive as they were a few weeks ago but it was very nice and i succumbed to once again being Her bitch as She ritually milked me onto my own sissy belly. I had asked Her to suck it but She just ignored me and so i lay there whilst She toyed with Her sissy husband's effeminate little dicklet. Helpless. Not man enough to take the lead but just accepting my place as Her toy.

We talked about how my blood pressure had come down since stopping the pill and She suggested that i start them again but perhaps just once a week. I respectfully declined, asking Her if i could be put on a course of more dedicated hormones. She said She would think about it.

Monday, 13 October 2008

The weekend is behind us. The world is on the brink of bankcruptcy and a New World Order is in perilously close to becoming a reality. The leaders of the Western world are talking on our behalf regarding how much we should give to bankers to make them play with each other again. In Iraq and Afghanistan our young men are fighting for something that becomes more ethereal by the minute. Two grossly unsuitable men are competing for the post of president of america. And Mistress said my makeup on Saturday night was very very nice. The best i have acheived.

I was drunk so i don't remember much of what i did that night. I do remember finishing the night off naked on my webcam, although i don't know how many people were watching me at that point. I may well change my username so that the term "caged" does not appear.

It's been so long since i was actually in chastity now. Although I have had these lapses before, weeks of freedom, the ability to touch myself, the guilty pleasure of masturbation, I have in the past known that at some stage i would capitulate to Her demands and lock myself up. But now that doesn't seem such an unavoidable truth. Now, with me being off the pill and not feeling as weepy and vulnerable, perhaps thinking more clearly, I understand that Mistress doesn't want me completely feminized. Just sissified.

Tuesday, 7 October 2008


I was in a mood when i got home from work yesterday. Not any particular reason, just felt down. Mistress had asked me to do some ironing and also prepare some roast veggies to accompany the casserole She had prepared. I ironed some shirts because i know that Mistress hates doing shirts. It took me about 1 1/2 hours and then i stopped for a tea break and went to prepare the veggies. I had peeled the potatoes and then went to get a baking tray. I was dismayed to see both spare baking trays on the side waiting to be washed up.

That set me off. I was so angry about something so petty. I put the potatoes into water and left the carrots and onion on the side, untouched. Daughter had watched my descent into a foul mood and decided to make herself scarce.

For an hour i just sat fuming about the baking tray. How ridiculous. I even contemplated reversing the feminization. I know i have been here before, wondering why bother etc. I considered that it would take perhaps 2 months to grow back all my body hair. Strangely though i decided that i would continue to wear panties until my hair had grown back. Why would i think like that?

When i picked Mistress up from work we drove back in silence. I never mentioned the dinner being unprepared. She walked into the kitchen when we got home and She started preparing the food. I made a point of sitting in the lounge watching the telly and generally being moody.

As always, Mistress was level headed and let me have my moment - however childish it was. Gradually during the evening the mood lightened to the point where we were discussing Her sucking my dicklet at bedtime.

Late evening She fell asleep in front of the fire and i went into the bedroom to put some porn on and get ready for bed. She came in after 10 minutes and we watched some hermaphrodite porn.
However, Mistress fell alseep sucking on my nipple with my dicklet in Her hand.

Once again i exploded. I stormed out of the bedroom and went to watch the telly, leaving Her in bed. After a few minutes She came in and knelt in front of me and suggested i go back to bed with Her. I said no. What a dummy.

She went back to bed and i stayed up and smoked a couple of ciggies before retiring. She was still awake and asked if She could cuddle me. I grunted yes.

She sucked me for a while and then helped me to cum on my belly. how can one sissy be so lucky to have such a gorgeous, patient, loving, sexy Mistress.

Monday, 6 October 2008

Jean Called

Jean phoned yesterday although I never knew until today when i checked my phone. She left a message asking me to get in touch. She also said that she had phoned Mistress and left a message with Her but Mistress said She was left no messages.

What would she want? It's been ages since she came round for a chat. Perhaps she's thinking of the BBB. Mistress and i haven't spoken about it for a few weeks. Not sure if She is still even interested in it. She seems preoccupied with something which She will not talk about. I guess i will find out eventually. I know that Mistress does read this blog, but not as frequently as She used to, and i am sure there are bits that She has not, and will not ever read because She will come to the blog and read the first page and any entries that are not on the first page will escape Her attention.

Oh well at least She tolerates me. If nothing else.

Now i am at work waiting for everyone else to arrive. Mr A isn't in today. And neither is Neil the Idiot. So i am looking forward to a peaceful day on my own. I forgot my swipecard so i will have to reduce the number of ciggy breaks or i will have to borrow someone's card every hour or so. That won't make me popular. I would rather be at home, but who wouldn't?

Mistress has to start work early today so She will be rushed off Her feet this morning. Sometimes She seems to invent work for herself just to keep Herself busy. She will walk to the shops. She will walk the dog. She will tidy the house and do some washing and She will clean the kitchen. I was thinking of phoning Her for a chat but She probably won't appreciate the interruption. She didn't seem too enamoured with the prospect of work today either. I asked if She was ok and She said yes in the tone that means no. I cannot guess what's on Her mind so i will have to wait until it comes into the open. It's likely to be something i did or said or didn't do or didn't say which i should have done and, as usual, i will be left to stew in my own shortcomings whilst She lets me know by Her dismissiveness that something is wrong.

Mistress will probably get around to reading this sometimes next week when it has all blown over and i will have probably forgotten what i was wondering about. But that is ok. I am not writing this so that Mistress can act upon it. This is just a record.

Anyway i need to see if i can borrow a swipe card, or jam the door open or something because i need a ciggy and i need some toast.

Sunday, 5 October 2008


God i was so sure i would be wearing a nice face tonight. But as usual i found an excuse. The makeup bag is in the lounge. Mistress hasn't pushed me even though i asked if She would take some pics of me . I guess we have to wait for the weekend like normal people. Normal people. How queer.

I should tell you about how grumpy Mr A was today. But it's just too depressing. And i feel giggly.

I wonder if i am going to get my sissy self played with later.

Mistress' blowjob last night was frantic. Usually She is very slow and deliberate. Very teasing. Last night She was like a vacuum cleaner controlled by a tasmanian devil. It was surprising and nice given the circumstances.


I had my chance. Another weekend went by and not a touch of makeup on my face. Now i will spend all week regretting it.

Been a nice weekend though. Although i didn't get en femme as much as i might have. I spent most of saturday evening in living room with Mistress instead of on cam. Mistress keeps telling me i will be doing an hour or two of ironing each evening next week when i finsh work.

Yesterday, while we were watching telly with daughter Mistress started singing "i want to break free" and She highlighted the fact that the transvestites were doing the housework. She said perhaps She should get me to dress like that and do some vacuuming. It was all said light heartedly and daughter just rolled her eyes and carried on reading. The sort of dismissiveness she gives us when we snog in front of her.

I've noticed, since i have stopped taking the pill, that my dressing has become less frequent. Although i am always in panties i have taken to wearing jeans and t-shirt and sweater around the house. And also trainers. It could be that it's just too cold to wear see through shirts and denim shorts and to be barefooted. It makes me a little bit sad that i am currently not taking on any female hormones because whether the pill effect was more placebo than anything else, it still felt right.

Friday, 3 October 2008

No Sex Please (we're sissies)

What have i done? Last night Mistress and i were watching porn in bed. I was in panties and stockings and Mistress was in Her pjs. We were touching each other. Masturbating each other. I asked if i could go down on Her and She said She was happy just lying there playing. She said i might be able to fuck Her later. What i said next came as a surprise to myself. I suggested to Mistress, whilst i stroked her clit very gently, that perhaps i should stop fucking Her from now on - as part of the feminization process. She said it might be worth trying, and that from now on i was just to use my fingers on Her and occassionally my mouth. We continued watching the movies and playing and Her touch was, as ever, so light on my priapic clit that i found myself even then wanting to go back on our agreement. I suggested we have one last fuck. So that She could tell me that it was our last. Make it exciting for me. Me me me.

She told me had already had our last one. She came on my fingers and then snuggled up to me and sucked my nipple while i played with myself. She eventually went to sleep and i came on my belly after about half an hour.

This morning i am back from the docs because i need my blood pressure checked because it was elevated a couple of weeks ago. I haven't been taking any birth control pills since and my BP is back to normal. Still getting the hemifacial migraines but only one per week. I have switched from red to white wine.

So now i am at home waiting to go back to work. Not going until this afternoon though. Mistress suggested i dress up for the webcam but i am just in shirt and tie. I don't need to say i am in panties. I hope that's obvious.

So i am never to fuck again. Mistress even spoke last night of getting me back in chastity. After a long time out of it i always fight going back in. she knows i will put it on at some point. She still wears the key. I always taunt Her about how She can't make me wear it. But She knows i will at some point. And because i have taunted Her i am more reticent towards putting it on. Because She might keep it on for ages. Or for ever. And i have enjoyed touching myself lately. I know its wrong and i am such a wanker. Sometimes though it's nice to succumb to the realisation that being a sissy is sometimes so very sexy.

Wednesday, 1 October 2008


I was bathing yesterday afternoon, shaving my legs, and my mind went back to when i first started shaving my legs, a few years ago. I had already been shaving my torso for sometime and i remember the first morning, walking across the car park. That was when the sensation of being smooth really hit me for the first time. My trousers seemed so flimsy against my legs. It felt almost as if people would be able to see through my trousers and notice how smooth my legs were. It made me feel sissified. It reminded me that i was not a complete man.

The same sort of constant reminder ran through my mind previously when i started wearing panties on a daily basis. It was as if people knew. I would send Mistress pictures of me in the lavatory at work with my panties on. There was a secret sexual thrill of being a sissy. That feeling has gone now. It's a normal day to day thing to be smooth, and to wear panties, and to smell nice. And although it doesn't seem like it because of how slow an almost imperceivable the changes have been, I have changed so much. The changes on the inside being as striking as those on the outside. Perhaps even more so.

Yesterday i shaved my forearms smooth. So now i only have my eyebrows and a small square of neatly trimmed pubes to remind me i am a blonde. I noticed this morning when i pulled on my shirt how nice the material felt against my arms. The self-consciousness has returned regarding them. Wondering if people will notice. It's like being a new sissy all over again. And yet, this self consciousness will wane. Eventually that too will feel normal.

How slow and delicious this tranformation.