Monday, 15 December 2008


Monday morning again. I am very bored. No work although i consider myself lucky to be sat here doing nothing. I am the only person in an office of about 100 people who is not on the staff and therefore i would be the easiest to sack. No redundancy money would be owed. So if they want me to sit around waiting for work I will.

The weekend was boring. A nice boring. I didn't dress much. I didn't chat online much.

Julie's mom came round for dinner on Sunday and got drunk. I didn't wear shorts or anything frilly after what happened last time.

Julie and i haven't had sexual contact for a few days.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008


Having spent all day yesterday in my chastity belt I was allowed out to shower during the early evening and then had to put it back on. I was very happy with this.

Last night in bed, however, Julie asked me if i wanted to be released. I was playing with her clit and we were watching lesbian porno. I of course said yes.

She ended up getting a good fucking. She said i should put the cage back on after i had finished but that must have been more in hope than anything. If she wanted me to sleep in the cage she should never have let me out.

I'm not in the cage now. It may well be weeks before i wear it again, and it's all because Julie wanted my cock.

We did it missionary. I was wearing a nighty and stockings and cockring. She was wearing a smile.

It may have been because of an email i sent her on Monday. The body of which i have included below.


Imagine my cock sliding into you from behind.

I will have already made you wet with a good tongue fucking. But eventually you will beg for cock up your cunt.
You'll get on your knees, legs spread, begging for cock. rubbing your clitty in anticipation of feeling the hard pole stretching your lips apart and then pumping you.

you'll start to fuck yourself against the cock. Your arse quivering as the flesh of my cock rubs your cuntlips , in and out.

You'll beg me to cum inside you. I will think of your dripping cum filled pussy whilst i sit at work now.

Love you. xxx

Tuesday, 9 December 2008


Am i a submissive?

Big question. I never really thought of myself as one. I don't fit the stereotype. I don't need to be dominated, yet, in my actions and my fantasies i am. I cannot argue that i am not a sissy. I am most definately a sissy. I am at work now, pantied and chastised. But does that make me a submissive?

Am i happier now? I am not sure. Perhaps if when I was the more "controlling" force in our marriage we had taken steps to solidify those roles by endevouring to meet others in the lifestyle then those roles would have remained. but what happened is that it became difficult to maintain the intensity of a D/s relationship over 20 years. Especially when there were only two players.

But how did i come to be like this? Was it really as simple as a mere role reversal? Was Julie unhappy acting as my muse for all those years, enduring the bondage and beatings? She never seemed unhappy with it. Indeed, some of her most vociferous orgasms have been whilst over my knee.

So when it became time to explore a switch in roles the need to give Julie some leverage was paramount. Two years before she suggested feminising me we purchased the chastity device. Two years. The intention was that i would still take on the role of "controller" but under the provision that I was in chastity and she kept the key. Initially the cage was a toy. Uncomfortable and unnatural, and although i cannot really recall a change in her persona at the time, it must have given Julie food for thought.

She didn't, and still doesn't, read up on any aspects of dominating her husband. I would avidly digest all i could. My initial readings into chastity led me to the world of feminisation.

It reminded me of how i used to wear my moms clothes as a young boy.

Still in my faux dom role i would scour chatrooms for crossdressers and sometimes i would put on some of Julie's things when she wasn't at home.

It was during this period of "switching over", about 3 years ago, that she started me in panties on a regular basis. She started buying undies specifically for me. It was a kinky game that i was more than willing to play. Sometimes i would be in panties and chastity and other it would be just panties. I slowly began making myself smooth. Starting with my pubic hair. Then after a few months my chest. A few months after that my legs. Now I shave all over - even my arms - and tend to my eyebrows like a good sissy. But the kinky feeling has gone. It's not a sexual thing to be a sissy. It's just a sissy thing. A man who wants to wear pretty things and be fancied by other men.

And so the chastity is perhaps my way of saying "Notice me!" And if i wear it without question perhaps she will show more interest in me. And if she doesn't show more interest in me, then at least i am trying to keep it real. Just by virtue of my own denial of pleasures i allow myself the luxury of feeling something - frustration ? excitement? - that only a few feel.

It is an experience that i cannot adequately put into words. One must experience controlled chastity to understand it. To be a man that cannot penetrate. To be a man that cannot stray. To be reticent. To be a man that sits to pee and wipes the drips from his chastity cage. When arousal only leads to frustration. When temptation becomes something to be avoided. To be comfortable keeping one's eyes downcast. To think of one's keyholder every 5 minutes. To wonder when the release will be and then to feel shame that you only want to be let out to masturbate. To feel so helpless.

Do the feelings of frustration lessen over time if the chastity is worn for weeks? I have only worn it for a week at the most. what would a month be like? That can only be known be trying it. Is Julie strong enough to put me through that?

I realise that i am such a novice when it comes to being a sissy. Maybe i need a Master. And that's the trouble. I spend so much time thinking about what i need and what i want and how i should go about getting it. I spend not enough time thinking about what Julie needs. But what if she needs nothing and is happy. Happy with the status quo. Then i am resigned to not being as happy as i could be. Content maybe. So i should just carry on. Even though the thrill and kinkiness has subsided, the acts that initially gave those thrills are still there. Was i really so excited about panties that i masturbated just because i was wearing them? How easily i slip into my nighties now. How normal to paint my toes and shave under my arms. How unmanly i have become. Yet it's so natural.

I like the attention that men give me when i go on webcam dressed in my skimpies. I like the way that Julie likes it. She doesn't go over the top. Just accepts that her husband is a sissy.
When did it become normal for me to watch men playing with themselves on their cams. When did I start thinking about cocks as often as i do now. When did the ladies i work with become so scary to me. So untouchable yet so sexy. It just happened very slowly. And now here i am.

Sometimes i am still too controlling and i desire her to be more involved. I want to see her enjoying herself more. She could have everything if she wanted it. Anyone she wanted. She could go out more and meet new people. She could rediscover herself as a sensual and sexual woman.

Instead she hasn't changed. Only i seem to have changed. And i wish she would. And there i go again - wishing. What if she said one day that she was going on a date? How would i react. In my fantasy i would be excited and scared. Excited to be actually living out the fantasy of beuing a sissy cuckold, yet scared that i may lose her.

Last night she told me i would be locked in chastity for at least a week. I wonder whether that was just idle chat. We are due to go out tonight to watch daughter in a concert. I would be surprised if Julie made me wear the cage for that. I am most conscious of the fact that i should not ask to be let out. Usually if i ask to be let she lets me out, depending on the urgency with which i ask her. So this morning i made a pointed effort not to to bring up my chastity. Julie did ask me, however, if i was ok with wearing it for work. I said yes no problem and she smiled and said OK.

I have the lock hanging outside my panties and when i walk there is the faint sound of the lock knocking against the cage. Mistress also had me wear a tight fitting shirt today. Well, she didn't make me. It was all that had been ironed. I told her last night i didn't like the shirt because it was too tight and made me feel self conscious about my body. I am not particularly comfortable with the way my stomach and man-boobs show through the shirt. My stomach is reasonably flat, although not as flat as it could be. My body isn't that bad really. It's just that i don't like showing it off at work. Especially my chest. It's certainly not flat anymore, and even a tight vest worn under the shirt doesn't keep them completely flat. When i go outside for a smoke i put a coat on so that i hide them.


Last night i locked my dicklet away in the cage whilst i was waiting for Julie to come to bed. It felt like the right thing to do. To get my mind back in a submissive mode. We watched some porno movies. Mainy interracial blacks on blondes type stuff. I was lying next to her while she toyed with me.

She told me to kiss her breasts but i wasn't allowed to touch her between her legs because she is still on her period and i am never allowed near it during this week. Eventually she drifted off to sleep leaving me frustrated. A frustration i had almost forgotten.

I managed to tug at the lock enough whilst sitting at the PC, watching men do to women that thing i cannot do to , to achieve a mild orgasm. Thankfully there wasn't a lot of cream..

This morning i am still locked in chastity. I put it on yesterday evening and Julie told me she had lost the key. I'm not sure she has, but i am sure that she hasn't unlocked me.

This is the first time for more than a year that i have worn the cage for work.

Monday, 8 December 2008


I sent this to Julie. She liked it. I wished that was me.

I locked myself in my cage tonight because i so want to get a reaction.

Difficult to gather one's thoughts. Just looking forward to sharing an hour with her. Watching lesbian and interracial porn. Cuckoldry. Whilst still in my cage.

She will ask me if i want to be let out, I know. And i will say yes. And that is so much the wrong answer.


I haven't had sex for ages, it seems.

I sent Julie a dirty email. Telling her how i wanted to fuck her. I told her how i wanted her on all fours sticking her pussy out and begging for it.

Then i sent her one telling her how i had gone to the loo and tucked my dicklet. Pushing my balls up inside and then pulling back my little dick. Squeezing into tight panties and making my front look like a ladys.

I sound like a very horny sissy. Julie could make the most of this by caging me. But instead i think i will get to fuck her tonight.

Let us pray.

Sissy Lesbian

Sorry i haven't written for a while. It's just that not much has happened. Yes i still shave my legs. Yes i am wearing panties at work whilst i type this.

I wish i had put some makeup on over the weekend, but alas i didn't.

Watched lots of porn before bedtime with Julie. she likes lesbian porn especially, it would seem. It's the sort of movie that gets her hand working between her legs.

Once i saw that on saturday night. Her obvious enjoyment led me look for more sapphic snippets.

It made me want to eat her pussy too. Watching all those tongues.

Monday, 1 December 2008


In a bold step i will from now on refer to Mistress as 'Julie'. Or 'my Wife'.

This is not out of disrespect , but merely because that is what i refer to Her as when we are together.

So Julie, if you're reading this at some point (i know you only glance at it once every two or three weeks when i remind you to), i hope your demotion is OK.

Also, i want my own sissy.


Winter is definately here. And if, like me, you like to sit around in your skimpies during the evenings, then you'll be feeling it just that little bit more.

It's dark when we get up and it's dark when we get home. Perhaps that's why i feel more miserable. Aches and pains seems more accute.

On Friday night Mistress and i stayed up until 3am. I was fully made up and chatting on the webcam. Mistress watched from just off cam and commented upon the cams of the other sissies i was watching. She was quick to point out those that had large cockettes than me.

When i woke up saturday morning Mistress was already up and about. I had to sneak to the bathroom to clean my face without the kids seeing.

I think we had sex also. If not Friday, then Thursday. I remember because it was short. The foreplay seemed to last forever and i also used my tongue to good effect, but as soon as i was inside Her i couldn't hold on and came shamefully quickly.

There is definately less urgency in my feminisation now. Since i stopped taking the pill the stuff i do to please Mistress such as wearing the panties and tights, keeping myself smooth, painting my toenails seems to be just part of everyday life. Not a naughty subversive way of living. Not sexy. Not exciting. Just normal and boring. Not really going anywhere.

I feel distinctly less feminine now than i have done previously and i don't know why. Some months ago i felt like i was on path of change and now i feel like i am on a treadmill.

Mistress has spoken about tattoos and piercings. But i think they may just be loose words, and i will certainly not encourage Her to be more dominant with me because that would be me taking the lead. I wish She found time to explore on the net. To learn a little more.

She has this way of just getting on with stuff. Sometimes this blog may give the impression that it's all about me. But it's not. It's all about Her.

Friday, 28 November 2008

Is Mistress Gay?

I was chatting last night like usual, on yahoo, with a lovely funny, sexy, beautiful, intelligent woman with whom i have chatted before. I said something to the effect that i would love it if she were to share a bed with Mistress. It was said in a jokey, flippant way and she batted it off with her usual charm.
Anyway i emailed Mistress today to ask if i'd mentioned to Her last night about inviting Miss FunnySexy here to share Her bed. Mistress said yes and reminded me that i would be sleeping on the floor. I sent Mistress a picture of Miss FunnySexy.
When i got home Mistress was eager to pull me somewhere quiet so the kids couldn't hear. She asked if that was really Miss FunnySexy's picture. I said yes i believed it was. Then She told me that i would be sleeping in another room and not in their presence if Miss FunnySexy ever did turn up. She was really taken by her. I never saw Her get excited like that over a female before. And the way She wanted to ask about Miss FunnySexy as soon as She saw me.

I know i haven't written for a while, reader. I was sick. Stood danni up. Took some time off work. Had a birthday. I'm 44 now. I still feel 43 though.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

I spent today at home with Mistress. Unfortunately No2 son was also at home so Rose had to stay in her room. I was allowed to take the cage off, after sleeping in it all night, to bathe and shave.

I put the cage back on afterwards.

I recall Mistress agreeing last night to allow someone on yahoo chat to "own" me on Saturday night, as their personal cam slave.

Mistress is at work now and kindly let me out of the cage before She left. She has had a couple of enquiries relating to the new ads but nothing has been confirmed. I can't remember the last time i came.

I am wearing tights more often now. Especially when i am caged. Mistress still lets me go to work uncaged.

Mr A txtd me from work to ask if i was ok because i hadn't showed up. I told him i would see him tomorrow. I have to start preparing the dinner soon. Then maybe i should go on yahoo chat and see if i can find "danni" and ask her what she might be expecting. I must admit it makes me hot thinking about it. Especially as danni asked Mistress directly and i was just an object under discussion. How sexy.

Mistress J

Love you to bits Mistress. i am all caged up. Resigned to sleeping in it.

I am sorry i am so sissy now. Ashamed that i like it.

Going to have one more smoke now and then come to bed and snuggle with You.

Horny as hell though

Just to let you know

I am caged. Its past midnight. Mistress is asleep.

She spoke to someone called danni on yahoo. I am dannis webcam slut on Saturday night.

Just to let you know

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Googled !

I put a couple of ads on the net. Uk based sites. One advertised Mistress' services and the other one advertised my services via Mistress.

And Omigod. If you google either my name or Mistress' now you go straight to the ads which give Her phone number. The top search on google - bar none. Cool

I showed Mistress and She was pleased. I also showed Her this site which i stumbled upon today. It's absolutely delicious, and i have only just looked at it briefly.

Monday, 17 November 2008

Mistress was supposed to give me a good hiding over the weekend but She was too busy.

The weekend passed with not a lot happening. I didn't get dressed up for any lengthy period. I did redo my toenails as they were beginning to look a little careworn.

Last night She promised we would make love, but it turned out to be a simple milking session. I came quickly.

I have this fantasy about gloryholes. Me and Mistress taking turns on a huge BBC. (BBC = Big Black Cock). I just thought i should mention it. I would love to see Mistress being taken care of at an orgy. I would serve drinks.

Thursday, 13 November 2008


This is me at midnight waiting to be let out. Hopefully

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Surfing Gear

Mistress phoned me to tell me to finish work early so that i could take Her to work. I duly obliged and when I stopped the car to let Her out She told me to txt Her when the cage was on. I said OK even though i had been hoping for some reprieve tonight especially after last night's frustrations. Oh my if She wanted that again tonight I would just die. So I have bathed and shaved and i have texted Her to telll Her i am caged. I went on yahoo webcam for a while but then i decided to just do a little surfing. I took this pic of me in my surfing gear.

Clitoral Stimulation

Mistress did buy me some nice panties yesterday. She said She saw the one pair - pink thong with tiny pleated ra-ra skirt sewn on - and She thought "cam panties". She also got me some tights, a pair of which i am wearing today at work along with one of the other pairs of panties She bought.

I was caged from yesterday afternoon and was hoping to be released last night because we haven't had sex for nearly a month. Instead Mistress told me to put on some porn videos so that She could play with my lock. She said that since Her sissy hadn't turned up that morning i had to fill in for him by being a very obedient submissive little sissy. She made it clear that i would be sleeping in the cage.

I kept stockings and the new pink panties on whilst we lay side by side watching "Blacks on Blondes". She told me to play with Her boobs gently which i did. Sometimes my hand strayed down to my locked up cockette to encourage Her to tug at it more firmly. After 30 minutes or so i was allowed to move my hand between Her legs and touch and stroke Her down there. I brought Her slowly to an excited level where She was grinding Her hips against my hand and tugging harder at my lock.

The need to fuck. To put myself inside Her was unbearable. I lay atop Her, missionary style and She held my cage against Her pussy lips whilst i ground against Her. My cockette sliding in its own juices within it's plastic confines. She used the cage to masturbate Herself whilst i kissed Her.

She came after what seemed like an eternity of the most delicious torture. She told me i was a good sissy and i could continue tugging at my lock if i wished. I smiled in resignation and we fell asleep cuddling.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Sissy from Stoke

The sissy from Stoke (who was supposed to be visiting Mistress today) phoned Her earlier to apologize for not being able to make it due to unforeseen circumstances. He asked if She was available next week though, so perhaps he is quite serious about seeing Her.

Mistress asked him a few questions. His name is Michael and he is unattached. Mistress told him that being unattached opened up a lot of possibilities for them both. She asked if shaving his legs would be a problem and he said it would not.

She didn't mention permanent chastity between visits although that would be ideal. And neither did She mention that she owns Her own sissy.

She told me that She has gone to do some Xmas shopping since he didn't show up and that She was getting me some tights and new panties and She wanted me to dance for Her in them tonight.

Smooth Legs

Just a snapshot of my sissy legs.

Forgive my indulgence reader.

Uncaged !

Today should see Mistress' client arriving although he has not contacted Her to confirm. I think perhaps he won't turn up. I said to Mistress last night that most of Her potential clients will be "spur of the moment" people who cannot resisit the sudden urge to dress girlified.

The upside is that i am not caged today as i perhaps would have been if the arrangement had been more solid.

Mistress was tired last night so i was left to my own devices after She had gone to bed. I asked Her if She would mind if i masturbated and She said it was OK. So after an hour or so on the webcam I turned my attention to my dicklet and played with it whilst thinking of how sissy i was. I was reading stories about cuckoldry, chastity and sissification, sometimes surprising even myself at my predicament.

Looking down to see my thing, hard and pantified. Leaking as i nursed it. Squeezing my legs together and trying to hold onto the sensations for as long as possible. Of course, it didn't last. I came eventually. Feeling some shame, some relief.

Now, this morning at work, i sit hoping my Wife will get Her wish. Hoping she gets to spend time with someone else. Seeing another sissy cockette. Maybe even allowing it to cum. Spanking him. Stroking him. Touching him. Showing him, and me, that Mistress is Boss.

Monday, 10 November 2008

Caged !

Well. Last night did not turn out as planned or hoped for. Mistress said She would release me before bedtime and let me "fuck Her titties". Unfortunately i fell asleep in front of the fire, curled up with the rottweiler until nearly midnight.

When Mistress woke me up this morning with a "darling rose" She pulled back the duvet and was pleased to see me still wearing my stockings in bed. I asked to be released and She was kind enough to let me out. So now i am at work - early again. not caged but wearing the tightest of panties that flatten my little dicklet between my legs.

Mistress said i looked nice before i left for work, but i am never sure. I feel old. I hope today flies by quickly because i am already missing my spot in front of the fire with the dog.

I wonder if the sissy from Stoke will contact Her today. I do hope so. Last night Mistress was waxing lyrical about how She intends to take Her role as a Pro Domme more seriously over the coming months. Obviously only time will tell. I must submit to Her in any way She wishes in order to validate Her superiority and give Her the confidence She will need. Not that She didn't do well the last time a sissy came round. The only problem was that She talked so much to him, calling a naughty sissy slut etc, that She was hoarse by the time She had finished with him.

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Sunday Best

I asked Mistress if i could wear makeup tonight and She said i could. She asked me earlier if i would like to fuck Her titties tonight. Of course i agreed. So She said i would be let out later tonight to do that. Yummy.

Also, i walked into the kitchen whilst Mistress was in there and She was wearing a rubber glove and i asked if that was for me. She said She would bring some latex gloves home from work, blue ones, and finger me.

That's so cool. Only a sissy would think that though.

The Weekend

I went on yahoo webcam on Friday night. All dolled up and very very drunk. It was fun. Mistress paid the occassional visit to kiss and tease. I was in chastity. And i was being a bit of a tease. Sucking on a fat pink didlo and dipping it in my glass and licking off the chardonnay. I guess it was Mistress telling about Her potential client that got me all subby and sissy again. Made me want to wear my cage. Be Hers.

It's Sunday now and the sissy has not got back in touch with Her to arrange anything concrete so i will try not to get my hopes up too high. Mistress said on Friday that She would not do anything icky with him like putting his dicklet in Her mouth, although that does lead me to think of endless possibilities of what She actually will be doing.

On Friday whilst i was on cam She noted that i was looking at the cam of a sissy who was naked except for a pair of pink panties. He was unshaved and his dicklet was poking out of the top of his panties. He was, of course, playing with it.

Yesterday we were driving in the car and Mistress asked if i had continued watching 'pink panties' cam the previous night. I told Her i watched him all evening. She said She didn't like the fact that he wasn't smooth but his dicklet was nice and big. I agreed with Her.

Yesterday i only dressed girly for about an hour. I wore the cage but managed to make myself cum in it, so i had to go and beg for release because i had made such a mess. I didn't tell Mistress that though. I just said it was pinching. She agreed to let me out on condition i took a caning. Reluctantly i took the punishment which wasn't very harsh but still had Mistress giggling about how much i was prancing about. I guess i am not used to being caned.

Note to Mistress - cane Your sissy more often.

Now this Sunday morning i am waiting for the family to make themselves scarce so i can spend an hour in the bath making myself smooth. Cleaning my cage. Putting it on. Slipping into something nice. Mistress would like Her sissy to be a sissy, and not fight it. My only worry is that i can get through bathtime without stroking my little cockette too much.

I wish i had felt like putting some makeup on last night. But after staying up until 3 am on Friday night both Mistress and i were very tired and by midnight last night we just flopped into bed. She never even fondled me under the hem of my nighty.

Sometimes it's too easy to be let out. This is because Mistress does not share Her secret with anyone. She wears the key but is rarely questioned about it and if She is She just says it's to a jewellry box or some other little white lie. Sometimes i wish She were more strict with me. More demanding. I know that sounds so ungrateful. So self absorbed of me. I know i am lucky the She accepts me. She deals with the fact that She married a sissy. Maybe i just think i deserve less than She gives. And then maybe i should take my own advice - Mistress would like Her sissy to be a sissy and not fight it.

I am just a sissy and Mistress knows best.

Friday, 7 November 2008

Client / Tights

Just as we had got around to thinking about hiring me out the most unexpected thing occurred. Mistress has not advertised Her services for quite sometime. The number of enquiries had dropped to almost zero over the past two months. Then yesterday out of the blue She received a call and has agreed to entertain a sissy on next Tuesday.

Obviously She told him to phone back over the weekend and they could chat about what the sissy likes to do. All She knows at the moment is that he likes to be humiliated and that he has his own clothes and that he is not expecting sex.

Unfortunately we lost our internet connection yesterday at home so i have had to wait until this morning to write down how i was feeling about it.

I told Her i would be very horny on Tuesday, sat at work knowing She was being some other sissy's Mistress. I remember just how good it felt the last time She did it. Except i was in the next room. In chastity.

This Tuesday i will be in chastity at work whilst my gorgeous Dominat Wife will make a little money doing what She does best. Sissification.

Love You so much Darling Mistress J. xxx

ps. i forgot to mention that last night when we were watching telly with daughter i was complaining about my feet being cold and Mistress asked daughter if She should make me wear tights to keep warm. Daughter said yes. But i would look silly.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Mistress J. Dear Wife. Boss.

Isn't this picture sexy?

Thank you so much for letting me out. I will be a good slut. I want to learn.

Sunday, 2 November 2008

Sissy for Rent

Mistress says it would be OK for me to be rented out as a sissy. She probably would want too much anyway, even though i told Her i would work for cheap.

I told Her i just wanted some fun. I asked if She would mind if i wore makeup again tonight. I was on webcam in makeup and wig last night. I finished the session by displaying my cockette. I didn't play with it, i just let it be seen as a smiled benignly at the cam. It felt nice, being naked.

We watched some interracial porn again last night and Mistress has also told me She wants to watch some more tonight. It's lovely being so accommodated.
Today i asked Her about hormones and She said She would have to save up because they are quite expensive. I guess i could do sissy work for hormones. I wonder if Mistress would enjoy the symmetry in that. And i would only need to earn enough to keep me in injections.
Read this Mistress. i beg You. Let me be your sissy whore. I would really try to change and be a better girl for you. With each client i would demasculate that little bit more. Each humiliation would help me.
There i go again. Wanting. Always wanting. Sissy fool.

Friday, 31 October 2008

Trick or Treat

It's nearly time to pick Mistress up from work. All the kids are out. The boys are drinking in the pub and daughter is trick or treating. I am wrapped up well in panties, tights and jeans. I have on a lace vest under a t-shirt and thick jumper. I am wearing think pink fluffy socks and trainers. I have already bathed and shaved all over. I added onions to the steak in the oven as Mistress said.

Earlier today Mistress emailed me. She started it "darling rose" and told me how much She enjoyed last night's lovemaking and how She was looking forward to it again tonight. I know She starts Her period tomorrow so i must make the most of what She is offering. Even though i am not sure how will feel later this evening. I am sure that even if i feel jaded i can lick Her but i wonder if that's enough. I don't like planning things. I like them to just happen.

Mistress always calls me Rose when She wakes me up in the mornings. She always wakes first. Did i really say i fingered my ass? Gosh how depraved.


Hooray its Friday. The mornings are distinctly cold now and we have already had snow over the past couple of days so i am expecting a crisp weekend of having to wrap up warm.

Last night we made love. There was a lot of foreplay - as usual, whilst we watched some interracial porn, but then when i made it clear i wanted to enter Her, Mistress smiled and let me inside.

I am determined to put some makeup on this evening. I wish Mistress would read this before tonight, so She could be in no doubt as to how girlyfied i want to be. Desparately need to be sissified. I have my owl panties on this morning. They are nice and snug with legs cut high across each buttock. If i squeeze my thighs together my cockette grows a little and the panties get tight and it feels sexy. I should have worn some tights too.

I fingered my ass last night. not something i do a lot of. But i was watching a girl do it in a movie and i thought yummy so i did it. I think i might do it again soon.

Mistress won't want me in the cage this weekend. Will she?

Thursday, 30 October 2008

Put in my Place

Mistress was pleased with the cage. She had promised that we could make love last night so i was expecting to be allowed out before sleep time.

Late evening i spent in front of the webcam, smoking thai stick and drinking chardonnay. When Mistress came to bed She instructed me to put some porn on for us to watch. I was allowed to pat her mound gently whilst She tugged at my lock. I was engorged to an uncomfortable extent and eventually asked Her if i may go down on Her with my mouth. I was still in basque and stockings , and soon curled foetally with my head between Her long sexy legs kissing and flicking and poking with my tongue while She continued to watch the movies, whimpering from time to time. She came a couple of times althought the first one seemed more intense. I returned to Her side and enquired about being let out, reminding Her of Her promise to let me fuck Her. She replied that i had just tongue fucked Her which counts as a fuck.

Her logic is impeccable.

She asked if i would like to be let out to cum on my belly? Of course, this sissy could have wallowed in his own petulance, but instead i meekly agreed to my sissy milking.

Love you Mistress J for making me smell so nice this morning and making me want You.

Wednesday, 29 October 2008


I put it on and locked it this afternoon. After i had bathed and shaved. Mistress bought me some stockings even though i hadn't asked. I wonder if it's Her payday this week.

I haven't felt quite connected to Rose. Like i have been going through the motions, once again without progressing. And for ages it hasn't bothered me. I didn't feel frustrated about Mistress not seeming to be interested. Not buying me anything new. Not encouraging me to wear the makeup more often.
Then i realised i am spoiled and accommodated.
So now i am locked up and Mistress doesn't even know yet. But She will, because She is now in control of me. I am looking at porn just to make myself horny and attentative.
Such a wimp sissy.

Monday, 27 October 2008

Mistress' Pussy

Such a treasure. This sissy spends all his time thinking of Her pussy. I got 10 minutes of tasting it on Sunday night.

I borrowed daughter's PC over the weekend and managed to get on webcam for a short time. I intended to make my face up and spend Saturday night chatting away to anyone and everyone. But it didn't happen. I went to bed in a mood. Through my own stupid fault i missed out on lovemaking and cam showing. I cannot even remember why i became so moody that i went to bed early. Sometimes it just comes on like that. Maybe i was just fed up with not being man enough to take Mistress properly. To take Her and fuck Her. Excuse my language.

Friday, 24 October 2008

I miss my PC

God this is going to be a long couple of weeks, without access to my webcam or a chatroom. I am still shaving and dressing in my house femme clothes but i miss the opportunity to sit alone at the PC wearing some nice lingerie and showing lots of smooth flesh.
Plus i have to learn how to get stuff off my old hardrive now that it's power supply has gone and there's so much sissy stuff on it i cannot ask anyone else to look at it for me.

Last night Mistress teased me. After She had showered she donned the most delightful pair of pink see through panties with a ruffle waistband. Her trimmed bush looked gorgeous under them. I was allowed to stroke Her panties and my cockette at the same time.

When we got to bed She giggled and said we should watch some porn - knowing full well it was all on my broken PC. So we fondled each other . Although i had to ask permission to stroke Her panties. She directed me to run my finger between Her lips very gently, almost lightly scratching the thin material covering them. When my hand began to stray towards and under the waistband She slapped it and told me to continue stroking over Her panties. All the time her light touch teased my engorged cockette. Finally i was allowed inside Her panties. But only to stroke the outer lips. I was told to gently pinch Her nipples whilst doing so.

I came. Wishing i could enter Her. Wishing any part of me. My finger, tongue, cockette, anything. And then i came. Thrusting my hips against Her almost nonchalant grasp.

Now this morning all i can think of is Her pussy. Wanting to taste it. Wanting to wet my whole face on it. I am a horny sissy in pink panties and i smell like a girl and i deserve not to be inside Her. She deserves a sissy to control and tease. Mistress knows best.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

1st Thursday without PC

Mistress and i both had the day off work yesterday. I would like to be able to say i was on cam all day chatting and showing off my body but my computer has broken. Properly broken. The power supply has broken. It's going to be a couple of weeks until i get a new PC.

At least i was lucky enough to spend the whole day dressed nice and around lunchtime we made love. We still had to go in the bedroom because the dog would have thought it was playtime if we tried in in front of the fire. Mistress was pleased at how big and hard i was and i would have liked to have gone on for a lot longer but after about 15 minutes of me being inside Her whilst gently tapping her clitoris, Her panting and general demeanour indicating just how much She was enjoying it put me over the edge and i came inside Her.

Mistress told me She didn't like girls. She liked me. We had been discussing it the previous evening and i was teasing Her about finding a ladyfriend for Herself. I said i would be more than glad to go back in chastity if She could find a ladyfriend to lock me up. It was all very lighthearted.

Yesterday, when we were at home together for the day, She mentioned getting Jean to lock my cockette up. That would be interesting.

Gosh i hate not being able to get online at home. I can only write to my blog because i am in work early and can jot a few thoughts down before I start work. It's not ideal because some of the stuff that crosses my mind i would like to write down immediately but, instead, i have to wait until i get on this computer at the office and often the thought has gone by the time i come to write it. and i end up waffling like now.

Monday, 20 October 2008

I Don't Like Mondays

I can see where Bob Geldof was coming from. It's dark still. The office is cold. The coffee is bitter. I smell lovely though. I wanted to stay in bed this morning. It was so cosy, even after Mistress had got up, and i could stretch and roll around under the duvet wishing that the 5 minutes before i stepped into the cold would last for ever.

I went the whole weekend without touching Mistress intimately. How did that happen? The weekend went well. Quiet and relaxing for both of us i think.

Mistress told me that She had tried contacting jean but there had been no reply. I was surprised when She said She had actually tried to get in touch with him as She hadn't mentioned any particular plans that involved him and me. Maybe She will be going out with him without me. Not likely but who can tell?.

Mistress said She's going to get a few pairs of tights so that i can wear them for work through the winter. Yesterday She told me again how pretty i looked on Saturday night. I almost wanted to put my face on again last night but it would be just too risky with work this morning. I don't want to turn up to the office with panda eyes.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Candid Mistress

We were on the webcam last night. Both Mistress and me. Only briefly was She on but it was still nice and She showed Her face and i knelt besdie Her as She sat for all to see.

I didn't feel like putting any makeup on at first. But later i felt a real need. I didn't want to miss another opportunity. Mistress told me i looked pretty. I should have been gracious but all i could say was "yeah right" and She was put out by it.

That's the kind of little thing that i really should try hard to avoid. Those little flippant remarks that cut to the quick. All She was doing was loving me.

Anyway Misstress, it was a lovely evening last night. We both slept really late this morning.

Friday, 17 October 2008

Dinner is on but the chastity cage isn't. Mistress, i put it on and didn't lock it and i only had it on for 5 minutes and it got uncomfortable. I only put it on because i was in the bath shaving my legs and thinking how long it had been since i had been locked in. I have forgotten how it felt. For 5 mins this afternoon it was scary and uncomfortable. Perhaps it's because i had the fishnet tights over the top of it. I'm still wearing them now Mistress, as i wait around until i pick you up from work.

Have my boobs shrunk? You haven't mentioned hormones and i don't want to keep asking but if you are not then i would like to hear it. Did the pill make me feel different, or was it the act of taking of it that made me think i felt different? I don't feel the same now. Not as soft inside and i liked that feeling.

I felt self conscious at work today. I usually don't. But today i was acutely aware of the perfume i was wearing. It embarrassed me knowing that people could smell me in the lift and when they leant over to me to chat. And it wasn't that i liked the embarrassment in some fetishistic sort of way because i didn't. I felt uncomfortable all day, like i wanted to be more masculine. Even now i am wearing male clothes over my panties and tights and only briefly, earlier, when i had the cage on did i put something feminine on. Will i later?

I hope you enjoyed my serenade last night, Mistress. That really was like old times. 25 years ago in my room at my Mom's house, playing guitar and writing songs and making toast on that old enamel three bar fire. I used to put my cannabis resin on it to soften it. Do you remember i wore your french knickers once when we cuddled on the bed? You asked me if i was i transvestite? I said no.

I remember you throwing away your engagement ring - twice. I remember that really rainy drive to wales. I love you so much. I remember you walking into the music room and looking at me and seeing you for the first time since we were at primary school . And then i remember the same night seeing you in the coffee bar and you seemed to want me to talk to you. And i did. And i think that was the most important night of my life.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Sissy Facts

A sissy obeys his Mistress without question. A sissy treats all Women with respect. A sissy looks up to mature men. A sissy must always wear panties. A sissy never swears. A sissy always says please and thank you. A sissy will never subjugate anyone. A sissy always smells feminine. A sissy carries a purse. A sissy keeps himself smooth all over. A sissy never initiates sex. A sissy always sits to pee. A sissy never puts himself first. A sissy is no longer the man in his Wife's life. A sissy never strides. A sissy keeps his elbows in. A sissy keeps his eyes down. A sissy wants to change his shape. A sissy wears makeup whenever possible. A sissy never raises his voice. A sissy speaks only when spoken to. A sissy loves cooking. A sissy's work is never done. A sissy's sexual organ is his tongue. A sissy likes other sissies. A sissy is sympathetic. A sissy has pocket money if he is good. A sissy paints his toenails. A sissy paints his Mistress' toenails. A sissy always holds the door open. A sissy craves leadership. A sissy must ask before touching himself. A sissy adores and admires strong minded women.

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Piercings and Jean

Mistress told me She wants to get my ears pierced. She almost had me wear lipstick around the house for the first time this evening, but instead She plumped for a transparent gloss instead. It tastes of strawberries.

She wants me to fuck Her tonight. I jokingly told Her no so She poked Her toes into the leg of my shorts and tickled my dicklet. So i jokingly told Her to get a boyfriend.

Anyway i am fucking Her. She wants sissy to perform his duties She said.

And omigod Jean left Mistress a voicemail. Mistress told me She would get back in touch with Jean. It's nice of Jean to try to contact Her instead of me. Hopefully we will get to that BBB eventually.

Mistress had a spliff tonight. She is very touchy feely now. This sissy will make Her tingle all night.


Mistress bought me a bottle of Gloria Vanderbilt perfume yesterday. It's been a couple of weeks since i ran out and i nearly forgot just how yummy it smells.

I was so pleased i put some makeup on after i had done my chores and went on webcam on yahoo. I don't usually put on makeup during the week just in case i go to work the next morning with mascara still on.

I remember taking my panties off for someone. I also remember what a reality check it is when one is chatting in a room on yahoo that is not transvestite or CD friendly. I felt like a freak. I was called names and laughed at. I don't blame the antagonists at all because when one is surrounded by people who at least sympathise with one's abnormal behaviour it becomes difficult to perceive of any ill feelings outside of that little bubble. It was a wakeup call. It put me in my place.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Coconut Oil

Last night i set the webcam up (with Mistress' permission) such that it was possible to see Her lying on the bed in all Her naked glory. I had promised Her a full body and foot massage and duly obliged. I was sissified as i attended Her. I noted that there were only 12 people watching our little revelation although i didn't stop to check who they actually were.

After She had been fully massaged i put on some lesbian erotica - an older lady and a younger lady, perhaps 25 years between them. Mistress made little whimpering noises as She watched and played with my cockette and sucked and bit my nipples. My nipples are not as sensitive as they were a few weeks ago but it was very nice and i succumbed to once again being Her bitch as She ritually milked me onto my own sissy belly. I had asked Her to suck it but She just ignored me and so i lay there whilst She toyed with Her sissy husband's effeminate little dicklet. Helpless. Not man enough to take the lead but just accepting my place as Her toy.

We talked about how my blood pressure had come down since stopping the pill and She suggested that i start them again but perhaps just once a week. I respectfully declined, asking Her if i could be put on a course of more dedicated hormones. She said She would think about it.

Monday, 13 October 2008

The weekend is behind us. The world is on the brink of bankcruptcy and a New World Order is in perilously close to becoming a reality. The leaders of the Western world are talking on our behalf regarding how much we should give to bankers to make them play with each other again. In Iraq and Afghanistan our young men are fighting for something that becomes more ethereal by the minute. Two grossly unsuitable men are competing for the post of president of america. And Mistress said my makeup on Saturday night was very very nice. The best i have acheived.

I was drunk so i don't remember much of what i did that night. I do remember finishing the night off naked on my webcam, although i don't know how many people were watching me at that point. I may well change my username so that the term "caged" does not appear.

It's been so long since i was actually in chastity now. Although I have had these lapses before, weeks of freedom, the ability to touch myself, the guilty pleasure of masturbation, I have in the past known that at some stage i would capitulate to Her demands and lock myself up. But now that doesn't seem such an unavoidable truth. Now, with me being off the pill and not feeling as weepy and vulnerable, perhaps thinking more clearly, I understand that Mistress doesn't want me completely feminized. Just sissified.

Tuesday, 7 October 2008


I was in a mood when i got home from work yesterday. Not any particular reason, just felt down. Mistress had asked me to do some ironing and also prepare some roast veggies to accompany the casserole She had prepared. I ironed some shirts because i know that Mistress hates doing shirts. It took me about 1 1/2 hours and then i stopped for a tea break and went to prepare the veggies. I had peeled the potatoes and then went to get a baking tray. I was dismayed to see both spare baking trays on the side waiting to be washed up.

That set me off. I was so angry about something so petty. I put the potatoes into water and left the carrots and onion on the side, untouched. Daughter had watched my descent into a foul mood and decided to make herself scarce.

For an hour i just sat fuming about the baking tray. How ridiculous. I even contemplated reversing the feminization. I know i have been here before, wondering why bother etc. I considered that it would take perhaps 2 months to grow back all my body hair. Strangely though i decided that i would continue to wear panties until my hair had grown back. Why would i think like that?

When i picked Mistress up from work we drove back in silence. I never mentioned the dinner being unprepared. She walked into the kitchen when we got home and She started preparing the food. I made a point of sitting in the lounge watching the telly and generally being moody.

As always, Mistress was level headed and let me have my moment - however childish it was. Gradually during the evening the mood lightened to the point where we were discussing Her sucking my dicklet at bedtime.

Late evening She fell asleep in front of the fire and i went into the bedroom to put some porn on and get ready for bed. She came in after 10 minutes and we watched some hermaphrodite porn.
However, Mistress fell alseep sucking on my nipple with my dicklet in Her hand.

Once again i exploded. I stormed out of the bedroom and went to watch the telly, leaving Her in bed. After a few minutes She came in and knelt in front of me and suggested i go back to bed with Her. I said no. What a dummy.

She went back to bed and i stayed up and smoked a couple of ciggies before retiring. She was still awake and asked if She could cuddle me. I grunted yes.

She sucked me for a while and then helped me to cum on my belly. how can one sissy be so lucky to have such a gorgeous, patient, loving, sexy Mistress.

Monday, 6 October 2008

Jean Called

Jean phoned yesterday although I never knew until today when i checked my phone. She left a message asking me to get in touch. She also said that she had phoned Mistress and left a message with Her but Mistress said She was left no messages.

What would she want? It's been ages since she came round for a chat. Perhaps she's thinking of the BBB. Mistress and i haven't spoken about it for a few weeks. Not sure if She is still even interested in it. She seems preoccupied with something which She will not talk about. I guess i will find out eventually. I know that Mistress does read this blog, but not as frequently as She used to, and i am sure there are bits that She has not, and will not ever read because She will come to the blog and read the first page and any entries that are not on the first page will escape Her attention.

Oh well at least She tolerates me. If nothing else.

Now i am at work waiting for everyone else to arrive. Mr A isn't in today. And neither is Neil the Idiot. So i am looking forward to a peaceful day on my own. I forgot my swipecard so i will have to reduce the number of ciggy breaks or i will have to borrow someone's card every hour or so. That won't make me popular. I would rather be at home, but who wouldn't?

Mistress has to start work early today so She will be rushed off Her feet this morning. Sometimes She seems to invent work for herself just to keep Herself busy. She will walk to the shops. She will walk the dog. She will tidy the house and do some washing and She will clean the kitchen. I was thinking of phoning Her for a chat but She probably won't appreciate the interruption. She didn't seem too enamoured with the prospect of work today either. I asked if She was ok and She said yes in the tone that means no. I cannot guess what's on Her mind so i will have to wait until it comes into the open. It's likely to be something i did or said or didn't do or didn't say which i should have done and, as usual, i will be left to stew in my own shortcomings whilst She lets me know by Her dismissiveness that something is wrong.

Mistress will probably get around to reading this sometimes next week when it has all blown over and i will have probably forgotten what i was wondering about. But that is ok. I am not writing this so that Mistress can act upon it. This is just a record.

Anyway i need to see if i can borrow a swipe card, or jam the door open or something because i need a ciggy and i need some toast.

Sunday, 5 October 2008


God i was so sure i would be wearing a nice face tonight. But as usual i found an excuse. The makeup bag is in the lounge. Mistress hasn't pushed me even though i asked if She would take some pics of me . I guess we have to wait for the weekend like normal people. Normal people. How queer.

I should tell you about how grumpy Mr A was today. But it's just too depressing. And i feel giggly.

I wonder if i am going to get my sissy self played with later.

Mistress' blowjob last night was frantic. Usually She is very slow and deliberate. Very teasing. Last night She was like a vacuum cleaner controlled by a tasmanian devil. It was surprising and nice given the circumstances.


I had my chance. Another weekend went by and not a touch of makeup on my face. Now i will spend all week regretting it.

Been a nice weekend though. Although i didn't get en femme as much as i might have. I spent most of saturday evening in living room with Mistress instead of on cam. Mistress keeps telling me i will be doing an hour or two of ironing each evening next week when i finsh work.

Yesterday, while we were watching telly with daughter Mistress started singing "i want to break free" and She highlighted the fact that the transvestites were doing the housework. She said perhaps She should get me to dress like that and do some vacuuming. It was all said light heartedly and daughter just rolled her eyes and carried on reading. The sort of dismissiveness she gives us when we snog in front of her.

I've noticed, since i have stopped taking the pill, that my dressing has become less frequent. Although i am always in panties i have taken to wearing jeans and t-shirt and sweater around the house. And also trainers. It could be that it's just too cold to wear see through shirts and denim shorts and to be barefooted. It makes me a little bit sad that i am currently not taking on any female hormones because whether the pill effect was more placebo than anything else, it still felt right.

Friday, 3 October 2008

No Sex Please (we're sissies)

What have i done? Last night Mistress and i were watching porn in bed. I was in panties and stockings and Mistress was in Her pjs. We were touching each other. Masturbating each other. I asked if i could go down on Her and She said She was happy just lying there playing. She said i might be able to fuck Her later. What i said next came as a surprise to myself. I suggested to Mistress, whilst i stroked her clit very gently, that perhaps i should stop fucking Her from now on - as part of the feminization process. She said it might be worth trying, and that from now on i was just to use my fingers on Her and occassionally my mouth. We continued watching the movies and playing and Her touch was, as ever, so light on my priapic clit that i found myself even then wanting to go back on our agreement. I suggested we have one last fuck. So that She could tell me that it was our last. Make it exciting for me. Me me me.

She told me had already had our last one. She came on my fingers and then snuggled up to me and sucked my nipple while i played with myself. She eventually went to sleep and i came on my belly after about half an hour.

This morning i am back from the docs because i need my blood pressure checked because it was elevated a couple of weeks ago. I haven't been taking any birth control pills since and my BP is back to normal. Still getting the hemifacial migraines but only one per week. I have switched from red to white wine.

So now i am at home waiting to go back to work. Not going until this afternoon though. Mistress suggested i dress up for the webcam but i am just in shirt and tie. I don't need to say i am in panties. I hope that's obvious.

So i am never to fuck again. Mistress even spoke last night of getting me back in chastity. After a long time out of it i always fight going back in. she knows i will put it on at some point. She still wears the key. I always taunt Her about how She can't make me wear it. But She knows i will at some point. And because i have taunted Her i am more reticent towards putting it on. Because She might keep it on for ages. Or for ever. And i have enjoyed touching myself lately. I know its wrong and i am such a wanker. Sometimes though it's nice to succumb to the realisation that being a sissy is sometimes so very sexy.

Wednesday, 1 October 2008


I was bathing yesterday afternoon, shaving my legs, and my mind went back to when i first started shaving my legs, a few years ago. I had already been shaving my torso for sometime and i remember the first morning, walking across the car park. That was when the sensation of being smooth really hit me for the first time. My trousers seemed so flimsy against my legs. It felt almost as if people would be able to see through my trousers and notice how smooth my legs were. It made me feel sissified. It reminded me that i was not a complete man.

The same sort of constant reminder ran through my mind previously when i started wearing panties on a daily basis. It was as if people knew. I would send Mistress pictures of me in the lavatory at work with my panties on. There was a secret sexual thrill of being a sissy. That feeling has gone now. It's a normal day to day thing to be smooth, and to wear panties, and to smell nice. And although it doesn't seem like it because of how slow an almost imperceivable the changes have been, I have changed so much. The changes on the inside being as striking as those on the outside. Perhaps even more so.

Yesterday i shaved my forearms smooth. So now i only have my eyebrows and a small square of neatly trimmed pubes to remind me i am a blonde. I noticed this morning when i pulled on my shirt how nice the material felt against my arms. The self-consciousness has returned regarding them. Wondering if people will notice. It's like being a new sissy all over again. And yet, this self consciousness will wane. Eventually that too will feel normal.

How slow and delicious this tranformation.

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Wife for a Day

Mistress was suffering from back spasms yesterday so She phoned me up and told me She wasn't going into work. I finished early so that i could help out. I was was probably more in the way than being of any use to Her, however. I cooked the dinner and then did a couple of hours of ironing.
It was a really nice day, even though Mistress was in pain, She said She had enjoyed being waited upon. Not just by me, but by the kids also who helped with washing up and general tidying etc.

We stayed together watching the telly until late in the evening and then when all the kids had gone to bed i went on cam for half an hour. I had to go and wake Mistress up at about 11.30. She was snoozing on the sofa. Whilst She turned of all the lights i put some nice Shemale porn on the computer and settled down in bed to watch it with Her. I was wearing my nighty and i had kept on the holdups from my cam session.

We watched a movie where a Shemale was was being used by two men. Three cocks on display. I lay there whilst Mistress brought me to climax. I wonder what She was thinking as i came on my belly - watching nothing but cocks and anal sex, and generally gay sex - albeit with lingerie.

This morning i am first in work again. Its now dark when i travel into work, and cold and wet.

The news from the finacial world is that the US have failed to agree to bail out the bankers over the toxic loans scandal. I am very pleased about this. I would like to see the banks get themselves out of their mess. I would like to see them helping each other to survive. Instead, even during this most testing of times, they are still hovering over each other like vultures. waiting for the first sign of weakness and then pouncing and buying each other up cheap. They are still not learning. And it's because of that that they really do deserve to go belly up.

My biggest fear is that there will be hawkish noises over the next couple of years towards securing oil wealth. the arab emirates may be looking over their shoulders as we speak. The last huge seismic downfall in the stock market came in the early 1930's and the only way that the world got itself out of it was to engage in World War 2. The factories once again srpung up and there was nearly full employment either in the army, or in munitions factories. Given that we in the west have survived the past 20 years by being nothing more than glorified money launderers we have no manufacturing base to rely upon to generate the next recovery. The best way to involve everyone in getting out of the mess is to engage us all in a huge war effort. That's my biggest fear.

I would like the 700 billion to be kept as a reserve fund to help the people at the bottom of the pile when things go wrong. Some sort of social help to those that need it. Rather than social help to bankers to whom the very idea of government intervention was, until last week, unthinkable.

It's such a massive shift of principals it makes me wonder what the cold war was all about. And the McCarthy witch hunts. When the dollar begins to fall spectularly over the next few days, we will be in the weirdest position of having the USA as a debt ridden third world country with lots of bombs. That's very dangerous. On the news in the UK yesterday there was an article about houses being repossessed in Detroit and then going on the market for less than £1000. That is truly shocking and makes me think that the USA is in far more serious trouble than they willing to admit to. If i was Obama or McCain i would say thanks but no thanks. SOmeone else can have this job for the next few years. It truly is a poisoned chalice and the only political winners will be those that come along one or two terms down the line.

Monday, 29 September 2008


It's Monday morning and the weekend has flown by.

Friday night i stayed up very late talking to a woman from London on yahoo chat. Just pleasantries really, but the time flew and it was nice chatting to her for so long. I couldn't wear makeup because of daughter's sleepover and the fear of scaring her friends to death if they saw me.

Saturday was spent mostly in jeans and t-shirt because of daughter having her friend round for a sleepover. Saturday evening i spent on webcam - made up with a wig. I didn't stay on too late because Mistress asked me to come to bed and we were both quite tired. I did a nice curry for dinner which went down well. I fried the chicken chunks in a little garlic and onion to seal them before throwing them into the sauce. It took a bit more time but they tasted superb.

I woke up on Sunday morning with my face still fully made up, although half of it had been left on the pillow. So before i left the confines of the bedroom i was feverishly cleansing my face. Then, with it half cleaned, i showered and tried to get the mascara off. I don't think it all came off and i spent the rest of the day with slightly dark eyelashes. I was cuddling my daughter last night and she asked me what i would like for xmas. I told her to just get me whatever she thinks is appropriate. She said a blonde permed wig would be appropriate. Mistress raised an eyebrow, because daughter was with her when she bought me the blonde wig a few weeks ago.

Not much to do at work today i believe. Still, i get in early a couple of hours before everyone else turns up. Usually it means i can get the bulk of my work done without any interruptions, but today it just means i can write my blog before i get some breakfast (two toast) and a ciggy.

Not sure if Mr A is in today. he's just finished a big job so he will be scratching around complaining at the lack of stuff to do. Things are supposed to be getting hectic in a couple of weeks with two or three big jobs kicking off. Hopefully i can stick around that long without phoning an agent and moving on to somewhere else. They have just given me £1.50 / hr rate increase so i think would like me to stick around. I certainly think they would have trouble fulfilling their short term commitments if i were to join a competitor. Obviously, being civil engineering, there has been a downturn in projects coming on stream but they are a huge company with projects worldwide so even the slump in this country will not stop the projects i am working on in Africa and the middle east. It's funny that when Mistress spoke to my agent recently to check on the rate increase, he told Her that my client had said i would be going to Dubaii for him to work with the team over there. I don't think that will happen. Nobody told me about it. I am happy at my desk. They also wanted me to go to Uganda in the next few weeks. They must be mad. I am too homely. I couldn't be away from the family for more than a week.

I'm hoping to take a week off sometime in October although i will need to get Mistress' permission. Five lie-ins in a row would be heaven. I could then spend all day dressed in something nice and relax and do some embroidery and help around the house.

Friday, 26 September 2008

The Weekend Starts Here

Friday morning. I am the first in work again. A nice couple of hours relaxation before the idiots turn up. Daughter has a sleepover arranged for tonight so Mistress told me to cover up my legs and not to walk around in my bare feet during this evening.

Last night we managed to get to bed earlyish - 11pm - and made love.

Friday, early evening. I walked mimi. She was very slow. And i had to pick her poo up in front of loads of traffic. Showered but have to dress in male stuff because of the sleepover. Hopefully later tonight i will get the chance to secrete myself away. I wonder if Mistress will let me put some makeup on for the webcam tonight. It might be a bit too risky as the girls are likely to be awake until the early hours, chattering and giggling etc.

It's weird. I have this feeling that i forgot to do something. Not sure what though. Haven't got to prepare dinner until after i pick Mistress up, because the girls are having a pj party meal - pizza and chicken wings and fizzy pop etc. Boys will be cooking their own (hopefully). Mistress and i have a nice steak with chips but it will be about 8.30 when we get to eat it. 5.30 now and tummy's rumbling. Have to watch my figure though. Maybe another cuppa.

Was only able to have a shower instead of a bath because of daughter's friends coming round so i couldn't shave my legs and one day's stubble is really gross. And i have socks on. Horrid.
Anyway i am going to see if i can find anymore of these lovely pictures out there in cyberspace. Hope you, dear reader, and You Mistress will forgive me if i touch myself.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008


Last night i wore some makeup. Even though i had yesterday off, Mistress gave me a nice lie in and then i bathed and shaved, i didn't wear makeup during the day. Mistress had to go to work just after lunch and when i got back from taking Her, No2 son was at home, sent home from college early. So that restricted Rose from being too apparent.

Last night I spent in makeup. I can't remember much. I think i might have been a bit drunk. This morning i double checked my eyes for mascara before i left for work. I wore pink panties to go with my pink shirt.

The work day was quite boring. There was one interesting conversation took place about an employee in the London office who has gone through SRS. At the time i saw her she made a visit to the Birmingham office and was male, except during one brief moment when she leant forward on the desk, my boss saw her lacy thong. That was it for him. He told everyone.

Today he was recounting that story to a few of us when it became apparent just how much bad feeling she must have come against. The guys were falling over themselves laughing at her predicament. She hit the most resentment from female staff when she asked if she could start to use the ladies' loo. Thankfully the company policy was more understanding and inclusive than some of the employees and she is now fully transitioned. Bless her.

But the thing that stuck with me most is what one of the guys said to Mr A. They were saying how they'd baulk at even acknowledging someone like that. At how ridiculous it all is - blokes in dresses. This idiot said to Mr A , you'd soon pummel them into the ground wouldn't you Mr A?

Now i think this was racial, or religious because of Mr A being pakistani origin and muslim. I was aghast. Mr A asked the guy, Neil, why he thought he would do something like that. Neil, said because they are deviants.

I should have said something then because it was such a slur on Mr A's character. He is the only person at work who knows about Rose and i would never have told him about my feminization had i thought he had an ounce of prejudice in him. I should have told the idiot Neil how obnoxious he is. Everyone knows it anyway. I'll apologize to Mr A tomorrow for not speaking up after such a disgraceful character assassination.

Sunday, 21 September 2008

Another Day of Service

I am at home tomorrow again. Mistress is being very generous with all this time off. If i really wanted to i could be in makeup now and a wig and i could be really girlified and wake up in the morning, late, and still have mascara on, but because i am tired i am just in my nighty. On cam again because i know Mistress wants to curl up in front of the fire and have some alone time.

She said to me today that She wanted me to Tongue Fuck Her tonight. That was her term. Not lick her. Fuck Her. But not with my cockette. With my tongue.

She looks very womanly tonight. Sexy. A tight red sweater and a long skirt. Almost ankle length. She looked very hot when we walked the dog. Nice red high heels. I had to walk especially slow for Her.

I hope She isn't too long, in Her slumbers in front of the fire because i am getting bored. I should be really happy about having tomorrow off. She hasn't even mentioned what chores i am supposed to be doing in the morning. maybe i will get off lightly and not have to do any maid work. But if i don't i will just sit here, out of Her way whilst She does it all and makes me feel guilty. I wonder if i will feel like putting on makeup in the morning. Earlier today i was convinced i would be made up tonight, and yet i am not. The feeling just drifted away.

Anyway as a reminder to myself, this was not a nice day. Not anyhting that was said. Just in my soul. Mistress will know. She'll know that i have been sad today. She'll also know that i don't know why. Hope the cloud lifts in the morning.

I think they will.


Mistress can judge me. Nobody else can judge me. So why when i get close to people do they think they can judge me? Tell me what to do? What to say? They are just part of the herd. Or flock. Flock is better. They have my ear and all they want to do is talk about themselves. And when i don't live up to their expectations they are put out by it. How sad that they feel they have to be part of me. How sad that instead of watching they want to participate. I never ask for help. I never ask for advice. I never ask for interference, and yet people seem to think they are worthy of offering it. what makes them better then me?. What makes them know what i need?.

Please do not judge me. I have seen so many fools who think they can. Opinions don't count. The herd is just the herd. You may even think that you are special. You might be. That does not matter. Only Mistress and me matter. Take me for what i am. Distant. Detached. Something that does not care about you. Bleating is background noise. Your needs are superfluous to my life. I am not here because i need you. I am not a shepherd nor a sheep. You will not get close. I hate that you think you know me. You will not know me. I am not for sharing.

You tell me how much you are struggling. You tell me how much in your life is wrong. You tell me how things never work out. What a hero you are. How resilient you are. How nobody listens. Nobody knows. Like i care. Like i am anything other than a man in lingerie you think you know.

To even believe in anything other than the distance that there will always be is fantasy. To judge me is your game but one not i play. To judge me makes me sad for you. You even ignore me because i have upset you. Yet i don't even care for you. A conversation does not equate to a rapport.

I despair at the pettiness of us all.

Friday, 19 September 2008


I went to the doctors today because of my headaches - the whiplash from the car accident - so that he could give me some pain killers. I asked him to check my bloodpressure and it was high and he said i have to go back in two weeks. So I told Mistress and She said no more pills. I am going to have to look at breast development creams.

Long weekend ahead. Mistress has given me Monday off work to help Her around the house . I could really get used to this

Thursday, 18 September 2008

My Day Off

Yesterday was wonderful. I spent all day with Mistress and from very early morning i was fully made up and in heels and panties and lacy top and stockings. I was called Rose all day. Mistress didn't work me too hard. She gave me the first hour to be on cam. I then set the cam so that people could see me changing the bedclothes and making the bed. I dusted and polished the bedroom and also vaccumed it. Then Mistress let me take another break. Whilst i was on this break, smoking and drinking tea and chatting on yahoo, She came in and told me to make Her a light meal. I did. It was really nice working in the kitchen in all my feminine glory.
Later i had to clean the bathroom. This time Mistress took some photos of me cleaning the bath and the toilet. Then She left me to clean it properly. She inspected my work and said i had done a good job.

Sometime after lunch i had to remove the makeup ready for when the kids came home. I think i managed to get most of it off. I showered and took Mistress to work. When i got home i washed up and cleaned the kitchen and started to prepare the spaghetti bolognese.

Note to self. This recipe was well received. Less basil, same oregano, a little bit of thyme and rosemary. One green chili.

I served the kids their dinners at 6pm and washed up after them, and then at 7.30 i went and got Mistress from work. Then i served dinner for Mistress and myself.

We watched the football and MrA texted me and told me to take today off too because he wouldn't be in work today . Mistress said i could if Mr A payed me for a day. (What has happened to Rooney?) and then we watched Raymond LeBlanc's show then we went to bed. Must have been tired. Overslept this morning.

Future Imperfect

I wonder if Mistress ever thinks about the future. Or rather, my future. Sometimes i have asked Her about it and She just says lets see what happens. I wonder what i will be. Will i keep changing. Will i go back. What will it be like. Why does where i am now seem so normal. How can She still love me. Is it a game. I am in charge of my own destiny aren't i? Once a sissy though, always a sissy. I prefer rose, She prefers rose. This is hard sometimes. Wanting to be either side of this place. If you become more male by acting more male and you become more feminine by acting more feminine then i will become more feminine because i don't want to act more male. Quite the contrary. Where did rose come from? And why is she so strong now? It has to be Mistress. Or did i just change and She allowed it? Did i want it? Not to begin with. I liked the idea. The chance to experiment. Relive some of my dressing moments from my youth. I can remember crying even then, only a few weeks after She had started me in panties. In the kitchen. How i confessed to having worn Her stuff before. God i must have been so pathetic to have given in. The thrill of it. This seems dark but it's not. i really like me - rose. I guess the hard part is letting go of Stephen. And wondering if that's the right thing. And wondering if Mistress has thought of that. Is this self pity? What do you care, reader? If it is i am sorry. I look back on these posts sometimes with horror at their content. Why, when i write, do i produce more copiously when i am down. Not down. Just thoughtful. Morose perhaps. Now i am starting to just drift. I lost my reason for writing this bit. I am on cam on yahoo in the trademark basque. A few viewers, a few pms telling me things like "u r hot" and " wow" and " i bet you have a nice ass". Now i am getting a bit cynical. This is a rant.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Maid for a Day

Mistress has told me to take tomorrow off work so that i can be dressed and made up for Her all day and do stuff around the house. I had 4 pills over the weekend but none yesterday.

I finished early today because the dog is at the vets having her hips xrayed, we think she had dysplacia and it's causing her some pain. The vet says she has awoken from the anaesthetic and we can pick her up in an hour or so.

Not much to write about on the feminization side of things except that I didn't wear lingerie or makeup on yahoo webcam over the weekend because i was quite tired. Although yesterday when i got home from work i put some face powder on and left it on all evening. Nobody noticed though. And before i went to bed last night i put some lipstick on before we made love. Mistress was sucking my boobs and i was calling Her a lezzie bitch. She seemed to like being called that.

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Multipill Persuasion

I was supposed to have a pill last night. Instead Mistress gave me two today.

Mr A did comment about my t-shirt he said i was showing off my muscles. Did he mean that?

Waiting now for Mistress to come to bed. Been a busy day for both of us. So tired.


I am in work today. 7am. Waiting for Mr A to arrive although he won't be here until after 8am, even though it's due to him that i am here this morning.

He's been very down just lately, i think he is being bullied by his employers into producing stuff for which he is not given enough time. he wanted me to help him out yesterday but i had too many prior comittments to get through, so i thought i would offer myself to him today.

When i told Mistress yesterday that i would be working with MrA She giggled and said, "mmmm you'll be able to share your ciggies with him then, he will like that, I shall have to get you a nice girly lighter to use when you're with him". I wonder what She was insinuating?

I tried on the new shoes that Mistress got me last night, they are very comfy with a 4" heel. She also bought me some makeup which i didn't have chance to use because i was so tired last night i just vegetated in front of the telly with Mistress. She had me locked in the cb3000 all evening and throughout the night, even though She had promised to let me out to play with me. I didn't really mind though because I love Her and She knows whats best for sissies.

I am wearing a t-shirt and jeans for work today and i notice that my boobs do show under my clothes now. I am quite self-conscious about them and wonder if My A will notice or if he does notice, whether he will say anything.

Hopefully the day will pass quickly because i am very tired and i will be going to sleep on the sofa when i get home - if i can get the dog off it.

When i touch my nipples they spring up really quickly and poke out noticeably through the material of my t-shirt. They also feel really nice and sensitive and there is some soft flesh under them which means when i tug at them they pull out quite far. I am now running a finger over them and squeezing my legs together because it feels yummy. I really should get on with some work. Legs crossed. Girl mode. Be femme. Be Rose.

Friday, 12 September 2008


Mistress emailed me at work to tell me She has bought me some low heeled shoes for me to wear during the evenings. She has also bought me some makeup because, She says, I should be wearing it more often in the evenings.

Thursday, 11 September 2008


I feel quite normal now. But earlier I didn't feel like putting on makeup. I didn't even feel like going on cam. But Mistress said She had bought new cleaning stuff for my eyes and face so i should. And i did.

Should i feel silly? i do .

Sissified by my Wife and made to like it.

Stop it . Stop these thoughts.

Just accept it

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Oh God

These silly pictures turn me on

Naughty Bits

This morning i emailed Mistress from work to tell Her how much i had enjoyed getting some makeup on again last night. She said She had got me some new cleanser and eye makeup remover so i could wear it every night.

I asked Her if She would be so kind as to put my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight.

I finished work quite early and was able to take Mistress to work. On the way She played with my cockette, and giggled when it started to grow, telling me to put it back in my pants. She told me if i wanted my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight i was to make sure they were shaved supersmooth.Yummy. She never mentioned the cage.

Now She is at work and i have to be horny for hours, so best thing is to get bathed, shaved and in chastity.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

My Sissy Verse

Mistress said She had read my ode to Her.

She wondered why i hated Her sometimes. I told Her i just do. Because She is there. There for me in my darkest moments. When i need to feel hate. Self loathing followed by trying to blame someone else. Her. And She was also interested in what i had said about Her mother. She said i was right in thinking She was angry with her for her outburst at the party. She told me She had spoken to Her mother today on the phone and Her mother had not mentioned Friday night.

I am not surprised. It was my fault for almost being Rose when she came round. I just thought she might be sympathetic. Instead i think i scared her. Mistress doesn't seem to understand this i don't think. She believes Her mother should at least have spoken to Her first before telling everyone at the party about my toenails a girlish clothes etc. I sympathise with Her mother. Really. She may be so curious. I also am intrigued by sister in law's little snippet. When she said she wished she had been there when our daughter was painting my toes. I wish she had been there too. As long as she didn't bring Mistress' brother with her.

I am supposed to be in chastity at this moment. I promised Her i would be locked up before i picked Her up from work.

I guess i should go and do it.

I saw this and thought of me

Monday, 8 September 2008


I just remembered what was important.

Mistress forgot to go to docs today so i didn't have my pill.

Why that's important is important


Jean phoned me a couple of times over the weekend. She left me messages asking how i was etc. I never got back to her. Something different with a drag queen. Something not quite feminine. Something very male.

I told Mistress that she'd phoned. I never even listened to all of her messages.

I cannot understand why she phones me instead of Mistress even though she has Mistress' number. It's as if she doesn't take me seriously.

I told Mr A about mother-in-laws outburst. He seemed genuinely concerned.

Sorry that this is so fragmented at the moment.

I never put my cb3000 on tonight. I don't feel like touching myself anyway. Mistress told me to put it on but i am either being a brat or just being realistic and wanting to be comfy. I won't do anything Mistress.

I was going to say something important but i forgot.

My team leader at work who is a real arsehole told me i looked nice today. Thats a bit weird.

I was flattered. The bastard. How dare he win me over so easy.

Even Mr A said i looked the bomb. I must have taken something and misheard.