Sunday, 31 August 2008
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Anyways, it was with great trepidation that i turned my cam on and set the preferences to allow anyone to watch. Soon there were a dozen or so viewers. Some were surprised to see my smiling face but the greatest surprise was the fact that they actually didn't howl with derision. Some of them actually said i looked nice. It seemed that almost everyone who viewed was either kind enough not to say how bad i looked, or they said i looked nice. After a couple of hours i even began to believe them.
Now this morning as i write this i am wishing the day away. Waiting for the night. So i can show my face again. I am tempted to go on cam and just do the usual bodyshot for an hour or so. Especially since i have just bathed and shaved all over and i smell nice and it wouldn't do any harm, it would keep me out of the way of Mistress whilst She is doing Her domestic Goddess routine , madly dashing through the house sweeping up all before Her.
Usually, in yahoo, i chat in the transgender rooms. I used to chat in the adult rooms , specifically fetish room because they were more specifically targeted towards a particular niche. I used to like going in the feminization rooms. There is such a huge difference between feminization and changing sex. For a start, women and men can be femininzed ; moved along the sissyscale away from blue and towards pink. I see women everywhere who are not feminine. I see men who smile and gesture and act with simple acts of femininity which cannot be attributed to their sexuality. They are just acts of pink.
Then i see acts of blue. Masculine gestures, attitudes, acts made all the more abhorrent because they are perpretrated by either a female, or someone who aspires to be, who gets turned on by wearing lingerie or who seeks narcissistic pleasure from cultivating their breasts.
Femininity should be embraced. It should be allowed to blossom and grow. Feminity is not obtained under the surgeons knife. It's already in all of us. In our empthathy and patience. In our diplomacy and discipline. In caring and wondering and hoping.
Friday, 29 August 2008
The garden has lush, manicured lawns and beautiful, fragrant, exotic plants are in abundance.
The afternoon sun is shining and there is a cool, delicate breeze, and the temperature is just as you would like it.
There is absolutely no pollen in this garden, as the air here is pure and fresh and intoxicating.
And as you marvel at the vivid colours all around you, you hear the relaxing sounds of birds singing, in the trees and overhead.
And as you are walking and considering this beauty and tranquillity you take deep breaths, and each time you breathe out you relax, deeper and deeper.
With each step you take in this beautiful garden you find yourself more and more relaxed.
And as you stroll around the garden, barefooted, feeling the soft grass under your feet you wander towards some beautiful flowers.
And as you approach these flowers their scent grows more fragrant than anything you have ever experienced.
And their rich colours are brighter than you ever seen.
Take a deep breath again, and inhale the soft warm and perfumed air.
And as you breathe out you will relax deeper and deeper. More and more relaxed.
And now, as you continue meandering through the beautiful, fragrant garden you come upon a pretty winding pathway which is lined with lemon trees.
And following the tree lined path makes you relax even more. Listening to the birdsong and enjoying the peace and tranquillity.
And as you wander along, relaxing deeper and deeper with every step, you soon reach a beautiful, empty beach with golden sand stretching as far as you can see in both directions.
And as you stroll across the soft sand, feeling your bare feet sinking in its cloying warmth, you gaze out into the distance.
And you see the vastness of the sea.
And you notice how the waves roll towards the beach.
Rolling in endlessly, one after another...
And you hear the sound of the waves building up...
And then petering out as they near the beach...
And you feel a growing sense of peace and calm...
As the warm sea breeze lightly brushes your skin...
And as your feet sink into the warm sand with every step you take, so you are relaxing deeper and deeper with every step...
And you soon reach the wet sand near where the sea begins...
And you notice how much louder the sea is up close as wave after wave rolls towards you...
And your feet now sink down deeper than before.
Into the wet sand…
And when you reach the sea you venture forward allowing your toes to gently test the water...
And it is slightly cold at first...
But soon warms as you take a few more steps into the water...
And as you allow the waves to roll over your feet and ankles...
And then retreat again... You breathe in the fresh salty sea air...
And relax deeper and deeper...
And after a while you stroll back up the beach...
You find a most inviting deck chair which is there, especially for you.
And there is a sunshade and a table...
And your favourite refreshing drink is upon the table...
And as you adjust the sunshade so that it’s just right for you.
You lie back in the chair with your drink...
And as you take a deep breath once more... You relax deeper and deeper still as you breathe out...
And as you gaze out at the calm blue sea you see the waves lapping lazily on the beach...
And hear the sound of the seagulls up above...
You notice a fishing boat in the distance , with its colourful sail...
Gently bobbing up and down...
The afternoon sun is shining brightly...
The sky is clear cobalt blue... Not a cloud. Not even a wisp....
And you are feeling more and more relaxed...
As you doze in your deckchair, with not a care in the world, at this moment in time...
And you take a deep breath once again. And as you breathe out you relax deeper and deeper.
I need to plan this weekend because if i don't i will find that my own self absorption will result in my neglect of Mistress' training and that would be a waste especially as She has shown an interest in restarting the hypnosis sessions.
We had already decided not to meet up for lunch today because Mr A had told us last week that he was too busy etc, so it came as a surprise when he asked me this morning if we were still going for something to eat today. I told him that Mistress had decided to go shopping instead. I wish he'd make his mind up.
The response to my male persona appearing in yahoo chat the other night has been varied, and in some cases surprising. I've found that some of the people who come across as "tg friendly" or whatever the in vogue term is today really have trouble in understanding that a transvestite is a man.
what an exciting prospect this evening. Doing my cam model thing, only this evening it's possible that i may be in makeup and jewellry and wig. I wonder what style Mistress is looking for. She knows i favour a bob. In my natural colour, blonde.
I hope She remembers tonight is my pill night too.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
It's never easy coming up with a fresh set of truisims and suggestions for a new trance file - especially as i have not yet decided upon the nature of Her transformation. Her previous forays involved the bimbo file and the perfect wife file and She showed favourable response to both.
I will perhaps look at combining both of these "alters" into a Hot Wife file. this should keep Her fresh and pretty. Well dressed but hardworking and almost continuously thinking about sex. her priority will be Her family and Her sissy, keeping all happy , whilst also looking hot and attractive to both men and women.
I did once play a naughty trick on Mistress once and slipped a rule into one of my files whereby She would feel compelled to stare at mens crotches whenever the opportunity arose.
Meanwhile i will continue to develop my own personal files with the intention of making my ongoing sissifcation seem the most natural thing in the world. Which, of course, it is.
I noticed last night She is still wearing the CB3000 key around Her neck. We really need to find a local chastity slave.
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
This morning when i came to get dressed i noticed She had put some Calvin Klein boxers out for me. It felt really weird wearing them, and i mentioned to Mistress that She'd put them out and that i was wearing them. She said She didn't know what to do for the best so She put out boxers.
I told Her i would have preferred panties and I went and sorted myself some out. Then i undressed in front of Her and pulled on the panties. See through pink with white lace trim.
Mistress smiled and told me She really does prefer me in panties and i felt ashamed to have once again made myself look foolish by pretending that i was not a sissy. We spoke about the cage. I felt that maybe it was that control aspect that i may have been more rebelling against.
We agreed that we should find someone else to wear it and they will be mine, not Mistress's. I want my own sissy pet. I think i have a lot to offer the right trainee.
And i have come to the conclusion that i should keep myself to myself when in chat if i am to be rose. Answer no more questions about myself or Mistress because it is here in this blog for all to see. I shall just be as vaccuous as is expected of someone like me.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Mistress phoned me this morning. She had read my latest entry and said She had no idea i was so sad, and was it Her fault? I was vague with Her. Not really expanding on what i had written earlier. She later txtd me and asked me whether Mr A had enjoyed the wedding he went to over the weekend with some from the office. I told Her he had said that he nearly hit one of the office girls' bf because they were being oafish. Mistress got confused and thought i meant he was close to hitting the office girl. I explained to Her that he wouldn't do that and bf meant boyfriend. I want on to say that, however, i would not hesitate to hit a girl and txt "bend over naughty missy". She wrote back asking if I meant Her and said of course. Then She said something which took me aback.
Tonight? Hand spanking only? On cam?
Well Ok then.
This morning Mistress and i did not speak to each other. We went to bed last night and i really did not want Her to touch me. She did, and i froze. I couldn't see what She wanted. If it was only to pleasure me then i didn't need it. We lay for a couple of hours in silence, interrupted only by me going back online for 10 minutes as i was so restless i couldn't lie still for more than a few seconds. I stared at the yahoo chat screen in darkness for a while and then switched off and rejoined Her in bed. She was still awake. Sometime after 1am Her phone rang. Another customer who thinks it's fine to phone at that time. She switched off Her phone.
It was then i told Mistress how pointless this whole "rose" thing felt to me. How i felt stupid, doing this all the time. How i felt unhappy and confused and i wanted it all to stop. I had been thinking about this all weekend and it had been eating away at me. Mistress takes it all very matter of factly and sometimes seeems unapproachable about my problems and that leaves me with nobody to talk to about how i feel. ( i wonder if , subconsciously, that was why i told Mr A.)
Mistress has a heart of gold but She has no idea really about feminization issues and how they can affect one's psyche, and even one's physical being. It really is a game to Her. i am like a doll or a pet rather than partner and i just feel like i am going through the motions for Her now.
I take no joy from it. I just sit in my room, out of Her way, hoping the hours go quickly. Pretending to enjoy myself, but not doing so. She put my clothes out for me this morning, including the usual panties. I just put them on because She would be in a "mock" mood for a couple of days if i didn't. Why would She be so vehement about it? Why is She so set on me being femme? She never says.
So now i think i should suffer the moods. The silent treatment. The sex is almost nonexistent anyway so that is no bargaining chip anymore. I could save myself an hour every day by not having to shave my body. I could start to feel confident about myself again. I will take with me the things i have learned, and put them into practice where i can.
I know, all CD's go through this. The throwing away of the panty drawer. The guilt and embarrassment. Only to return to sissification days, weeks, months or even years later. I would be happy if it was years later. I am just too old for this. Too ugly. Too tired.
I'm not even a good sissy. I know nothing about being feminine and i know that i will never be convincingly feminine and much as Mistress says She likes rose, i think what She really means is that She has grown to dislike the male i am. At the moment though, roses's mind is not in a good place and She cannot like rose when i am like this either. So why all the stupid feminine crap?
It would be nice to see Mistress feminized a little. Instead of me.
A big part of my feminization has been interacting in chat rooms. Showing myself off on cam and hoping by some magic means that talking into a screen will change me fundamentally. How ridiculous. I cannot wait now to get home tonight. Get on cam and let everyone see my ugly masculine face. My hardnosed face. The one that makes people think twice before talking to me. The one that makes me look like i should be wearing doc marten boots. I can almost taste the disappointmet in some people when they click on my cam expecting to see the crossed legs, the stockings, the dainty, feminine posture. And my face appears. Frowning. Worldly. Ugly. Masculine. I will probably be smiling. Because it will be funny. There is not one person who will want to watch me. And that's when the reality and the futility of my situation will bite. and in months and years to come when someone says to me, "you used to be a sissy" i will say yes but it was mid life crisis.
I hope i am turning the corner. I don't know if Mistress will continue Her little business of seeing TV's during the day. I won't stop Her, and i won't even ask Her about it. It's Her business.
This was going to be a long blog. A forever blog. Instead it barely lasted two months. Now all i want is hairs on my legs and chest and underarms again. To clean the polish from my toenails.
I have felt the cane for the last time. I have worn heels for the last time. I'll get some male deodorant ASAP. And i will stop being so introspective. Stop trying to understand the whys and the hows. I am just going to be Stephen.
Saturday, 23 August 2008
Now it's lunchtime and i have been chatting on yahoo. All clean and smooth and perfumed. in white see through top and white panties. a flared denim skirt and tan holdups with my silver shoes. The suns is shining so i will put some shorts on now and see if it's worth being out in the garden.
Oh yes. I feel incredibly horny this morning too. And very submissive and sort of electric.
Friday, 22 August 2008
At lunchtime She texted me to tell me She was just starting work and would probably not be able to txt me during Her break because of it being at a weird time. I was relieved because it meant She would not be able to instruct me to wear the cb3000.
Then She texted me again to tell me to put it on after i had bathed this afternoon. Damn. I cannot disobey. Not this time. Not because the physical punishment will be too severe. No, not that. It's because if i don't do what She says then where do i stand? How can i expect to be indulged as a sissy if i cannot follow simple clear instructions from my Wife. And how much trouble will it be? Did i really want to touch myself so bad the other night that it was worth saying no to Her?
God. Just do what you're told sissy. Mistress knows best.
I know his father has been ill, in and out of hospital recently so it's probably that that's making him hesitant about coming out with us. I hope it's not because he knows about Rose. He has seemed ok with me since i told him. No difference at all really. I wonder if i act different now. Whether he perceives me as different.
Perhaps it doesn't even register on his radar.
That would be so ironic. Me fretting like a teenager and he couldn't care less. Thankfully he has been as discreet as i could have wished for although one never knows what one's colleagues say when one is away.
Mistress kept me uncaged again last night. Chastity wasn't even mentioned. She made a few passing remarks about whether i had been good, but i rather think my distant mood put a barrier up between us. Sometimes when i am enveloped in that cloud i can see and feel the good vibes on the outside, but they fail to move me. And that's how i felt last night. Each question or remark, aside or comment would be greeted with monosyllabic response. In lighter, more contemplative moments i am so grateful Mistress even bothers to speak to me when i am down inside myself like that. But she keeps gently probing, stoically coaxing me back to a place where smiling is easier.
And now, this being Friday, i am determined to enjoy it. It's raining hard outside. I was first in the office again so it's coffee and blog and soon i will pop out for toast. It will have to be toast because i have had a few nice sandwiches this week, and some quite big meals and i lost lots of weight which would be so easy to put back on. So definately toast.
And i will try not to sing. People must me frightened to tell me. I must be so annoying sometimes. Singing all day.
I have this fear that Mistress will make me put the cb3000 this evening. I won't refuse again, it's for my own good. And i also think once it's on i am in for a very long weekend of contemplation, servitude, learning, devotion. I want to put some makeup on tonight. I will mention to Mistress later on this morning when i email Her. And i will ask Her to remind me to put some on once the household quietens down late evening. Now for some reason i have started crying. Not good at work to have tears welling up in one's eyes.
Thursday, 21 August 2008
At bedtime i didn't get the caning but we made love for more than an hour and when Mistress woke up this morning She went back to bed, exhausted so i must have done something right.
On yahoo last night i was speaking to a gentleman who turned out to be a bit of a sissy and he told me he wanted me to dominate and punish him. Especially with the cane. I told him there was every possibility of that happening and, if he shows up in chat tonight, he can have my phone number. I did of courese check with Mistress first before confirming that i could be his sissy dom for an evening. It could turn out to be quite cool as i do have a sadistic streak which hardly ever gets let out.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Mistress sent me the track and because i don't have speakers i forwarded it to Mr. A to see if it was the right song She had sent. Ten minutes later he called to me across the office, asking who Rose was. Damn. I couldn't stop shaking. I rolled two ciggies the best i could and ushered him outside with me. So, he asked, who is Rose? is that your pet name for your wife?
I told him no, it was Her pet name for me. First he laughed. Then he said no way. Then he asked if i wore womens clothes. I told him not all womens clothes like a skirt and stuff, but essentially i do adopt some feminine characteristics when i can. It's understandable that he was a bit shocked and i really wish i had never had to tell him, but he would have kept asking about Rose.
It's horrible to put my woes on someone who doesn't really want them. I told him that if i was going to tell anyone it would be him and that i am telling him because i trust him. I didn't tell him that i saw him as sensitive because one guy does not say that to another guy usually. Especially after a bombshell like i just dropped.
I told him i was taking hormones. Showed him my bracelet. He still looked and spoke in a slightly shocked way. Still seemed slightly bemused by it all. He said it was probably a phase i was going through. Mid life crises etc. I told him i didn't think so. I told him Mistress prefers Rose.
He asked if i was going to have a sex change. I told him i didn't know. For a brief minute i nearly cried, and that would have been it. I would never have shown my face in that office again.
I told him that it was a big thing for me to tell him this and hopefully he still saw me in the same light. I think that may be wishful thinking though.
My other concern is that half the office heard him ask me who Rose was. And i only hope he isn't questioned about it in my absence.
I emailed Mistress to tell Her what i had revealed to him. She asked of his reaction etc. I told Her and She said She loved me. Really and truthfully that is really all that has ever mattered to me. Her love.
I am so tired this morning. These late nights are taking their toll , i think i need a few early nights. I hope i haven't caught Mr. A's cold. I only shifted one a few weeks ago.
Mistress has next week off work so we intend to have lunch in Birmingham with Mr. A next Thursday. Hopefully he knows a nice place as i have no idea where the best places are in Brum even though i have worked here for 8 years. Mistress says She is looking forward to meeting Mr. A. and i am quite sure that neither She nor he will bring up Her Dominatrix job, especially if She brings daughter along also.
Monday, 18 August 2008
She was in bed apparently, with exhaustion and she had to be up at 3am so it was only a brief chat. Still nice of her to phone though.
Then she said something funny. She called me "mate". Twice, in passing.
Somehow that didn't sound right, either coming from her, or addressing me.
Sunday, 17 August 2008
Friday, 15 August 2008
Mistress has txtd me to say that She has got me some flat leopard skin shoes for sunday. my pole dancing shoes are far too high to be worn practically and She was concerned that i might stand out. i think She may be in for a few surprises.
I told Her i was nervous and excited about Sunday. ( i must speak to jean very soon to let her know what i will be wearing).
I think buying shoes for Her sissy has made Mistress frisky as She has been txting me telling me how naughty i was last night, even thoug i wasn't, and how i deserved a spanking tonight. i am such a brat because i cannot wait to feel that cane.
So on Sunday i will be wearing pink and white skin tight t-shirt. black fishnet tights and denim shorts, with leopard skin flats. i will wear my bracelet and will probably be wearing my cb3000 too. i will such a proud sissy to be seen with Mistress J.
Thursday, 14 August 2008
i am wondering about shoes though. The only ones i have are silver 6" pole dancing shoes and i am not Mistress would allow me to wear them. i will have to discuss further with Her. i still haven't heard from jean although she does work away often. If i haven't heard by Friday night i will phone her on saturday to make sure she still wants to meet us there.
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Now early evening. caged. waiting for You Mistress.
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Firstly there is the scent :~ Gloria Vanderbilt. I wear it every day together with a feminine deodorant and feminine talc.
Second there is my eyebrows :~ Plucked but not too thinly, definately noticeable if you look.
Third are my hands :~ Shaved smooth with nails that are growing for the first time ever.
Fourth is my demeanour :~ More subtle this one. But i believe the way i feel inside is changing the way that i interact with people.
I ask myself are these clues enough for someone to think "sissy alert!", but even if they are not, i still think that it's worth putting down where i am and how i look to others. Of course there are other aspects, like my body being smooth all over and my toenails being painted and the panties i wear but these are not visible to the general public.
Mistress txtd me at work to tell me She has bought me some new stockings and now i cannot wait to get home, especially as She has also spoken to the man She buys my cannabis from and he says he will have some tonight so i am looking forward to this evening very much. Also, because She txtd me i suppose i am to expect Her to txt me again at 5pm when She has Her break. In which case i will probably be instructed to put on my CB3000 for the evening. I will ensure i am bathed and shaved and perfumed and chastised for my wonderful Mistress.
Oh. Mistress txtd earlier with instructions to lock myself up. As soon as friend has been with weed She said. He is due in about 30mins. 6pm
Martha, Her new online sissy was in the chatroom but seemed most reticent in his dialogue with Her. Hopefully he has the wherewithal to correspond via email with Her as that is Her preferred method of communication. It affords Her time in Her busy day to tend to sissies at Her own pace.
She was accepting cam invites and although some of them were just closeups of penises being played with there were one or two gentlemen who had the good manners to show their faces.
She seemed to enjoy the attention very much, although She was also tired after a very long day.
Only 5 days to go to the brum bazaar now and still no word from jean. Perhaps he feels that he was pushy last time in asking Mistress to take him under Her wing and is now a bit embarrassed to phone again. Although when we met he did not seem the shrinking violet type.
Mistress will be wearing a grey flannel pinafore dress with a white blouse and grey heels and She is still making Her mind up about what i will be wearing. We will, however, arrive at 12.30 so that we can put ourselves in the hands of the meeters and greeters at Nightingales should jean or Master Stephen not be available on the day. Mistress is very much looking forward to it.
Monday, 11 August 2008
I spent too long on yahoo chat. Not enough time with Mistress, although She never complains. I was in chastity for the majority of the weekend and did not feel that it was a burden. My erection woke me up early on Saturday morning and it was extremely uncomfortable so i asked Mistress to release me so that i could sleep comfortably for another few hopurs which She was kind enough to do and then after waking up and showering i put the CB3000 back on. What a good sissy.
We did intend to drive to Birmingham to see if we could find parking for next Sunday's fetich market but time just flew by too quickly and so we watched a Carry On film instead. Yet to hear from jean about the event so we will play it by ear, although i would be very surprised if she does not contact either myself or Mistress before the weekend. It appears that i will be dressed normally for the event, as per Mistress' wish. I will of course be in panties and chastity.
Saturday, 9 August 2008
Mistress said She would start me on two pills per week. In one months time.
I tried to explain how grateful i was. How nobody knew how i felt, even Her, but the words just , melted and i could feel myself going and next thing i was in Her arms and tears were welling up in my eyes.
I am so glad to have the pill to look forward to. i liked how it made me feel. Mistress says i am frustrated because i do not look like the person i feel inside anymore. She says i should be more considerate for other people and not wish to impose rose upon them. Mistress knows best because She is a woman.
Later this evening i paintedMistress and daughters toenails. It was a lovely girly night in watching the St Trinians movie. The boys had gone out drinking or whatever it is they do. After i had done their toes daughter asked if i still wanted mine doing. I did not need to be asked twice.
Mistress later told me to enjoy it, but not to rush daughter or to scare her with rose. i am still daddy to her.
Friday, 8 August 2008
this morning Mistress and i were talking about martha and i was telling Her that he did cum in his new panties etc, i told Mistress that i would have a wank when i got home this afternoon. She gave me an icy glare and reminded me that i was due to be locked up for the whole weekend. i told Her would try very hard not to do that mannish thing and would gladly put the cb3000 on after i have bathed later today. i had a wicked vision of both me and martha being made to masturbate for Mistress after both being locked up for 1 week. And then both having to re-apply our chastities.
Mistress has read my latest few entries and says She doesn't think i am pathetic and She prefers me to be rose. She also asked me if i had been ok in bed last night because even though we made love i could not achieve climax and She says i was crying a little into my pillow as we went to sleep.
i told Mistress i was fine. Probably just tired. i am looking forward to being as feminine as i can be this weekend.
Mr. A is back in the office today which means we will be enjoying our smokes once more. i wonder if someone will say anything today about how girly i smell. In an almost empty office i leave the scent of vanderbilt perfume everywhere i go. Mr. A might choke to death in the lifts when we go downstairs. It's a subtle perfume that wears off after about 5-6 hrs but i may just have put alittle too much on this morning although Mistress never mentioned if i did.
During one of our smoke breaks Mr. A asked if Mistress' client turned up on Wednesday. i said he didn't and that it would probably be September before She started again. I mentioned to Mr. A about Mistress' new sissy martha though. How She had started a sissy off by getting him to buy his first panties. etc.
i wonder if he suspects that i am a sissy too.
Thursday, 7 August 2008
I wonder why Mistress never insists on me wearing tights for work. And how come She hasn't caned me for 4 days?
Sometimes i wear Mistress' stuff without Her knowing. Stuff like her blouses and tops. What a sissy i am. i am pathetic.
Getting nervous about the Bazarre now. Not really sure that Mistress wants to go. She has not mentioned it for a fortnight except when we talking about getting me pierced or tattooed.
i just don't want to appear pushy so i have to find "sub space" and stay there for long periods. Accepting my place. Accepting my chastity and my increased femininity. Working at my desk, with my legs squeezed together like a horny secretary. Wishing i was still in chastity because i really want to touch myself. God i cannot wait to get home already and i have only been here one hour.
I am currently mulling over a new feminization hypnosis file and will ask Mistress if She would be kind enough to pose with me for a few relevant pics and vids. And also if She voice some new truisms. yummy.
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
Mistress took over later on and spent a while chatting to the people in the transgender rooms.
In bed She masturbated me whilst She touched Herself. Telling me i was not going to have sex with Her and discussing the merits of piercing my nipples and belly button. She used Her nails harshly on my cockette and it hurt nice. Once again my semen remained outside of Her.
Only 11 days to go to the Brum Bazarre. I must remember to ask Mistress if She has spoken to jean since we last discussed her to remind jean of etiquette when with Mistress and under no circumstances to appear pushy. Mistress and i also discussed whether i should have a tattoo done across the small of my back. very small, but saying "Property of Mistress Julie" . I mentioned that there would almost certainly be a tattoo artist at the Bazarre.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Mistress txtd me and said I could have a nice bottle of wine tonight instead of the usual plonk i drink. Hopefully i will be able to be upbeat when i pick Her up or She will think i am in a mood. Ok so i am in a mood but i have no idea why. Think i will start the tea. At least peeling onions i will have an excuse for runny eyes and nose.
I gave Mistress oral sex for a while until She told me to stop and then we cuddled. Then She asked me if i wanted to cum again. i didn't need much persusasion. Thisd time it was much better with Mistress in control. Soft delicate hands hardly touching, then stroking , squeezing, ecstacy. When She finally did let me cum i ejaculated in my face.
Mistress is going to visit Her mother today. It will be interesting to see whether Her mom mentions how i was dressed on Sunday, and what Mistress says if asked. Her mom seemed amused by my red top and shaved legs and perfume and pink slippers, but we had a nice afternoon chatting to her on sunday so whatever she thinks i do'nt think it would be malicious. Only time will tell of course.
Mistress is taking daughter there to spend the night because Mistress was supposed to have a client round on Wednesday morning. The sissy never phoned back though over the weekend so She made arrangements for no reason afterall. At least daughter is looking forward to time with her gran. This sissy was only accommodated because he said he would pay twice the rate because of short notice and how desparate he was. Mistress is not seeing anyone at the moment because of the school holidays, but in September She is resolved to restart Dominating sissies.
It's funny, but I see this new venture of Hers as very much Her thing. And i think it's so cool that She likes to Dominate men and pantify them.
Sometime soon i will write about the dutchman. i will relate how he is coming along now that he has taken the step of pleading to be sissified by Mistress. He even agreed to me having Mistress' executive power over him which means that, techinically, he is my sissy too. That's so sweet. i will try my very best to make him soft and femme and respectful and thoughtful and gentle and scented and lovely and sissified.
Incidentally, i mentioned to Mistress that i had been missing the pill and She told me i was ok as i am right now. Still more femme than i was. So i will not be taking them for the forseeable future. Thing is She is just as likely to pop one in my mouth when i don't expect it. She knows i would not hesitate to swallow.
Monday, 4 August 2008
Mistress said She would take a look at sissify tonight whilst i cooked. In my humble opinion, and i told Her so, it would bring me on in leaps and bounds should She become a regular there.
I txtd Mistress before She left for work to ask if i may be allowed to masturbate when i got home. I suppose i could have just done it without letting Her know, but that defeats the object, i have always to be honest with Her about my feelings. She said i could but that i was to put my cage on afterwards. At some point i will have to wear it at work too because in my heart of hearts i know i should not be masturbating at all and even now i am beginning to feel guilty about wanting to do it. But i will have to put the cage on anyway and that could mean not touching my cockette until tomorrow morning.
Sunday, 3 August 2008
Funny thing is i love the attention. Love it that i turn guys on and sometime even girls. TG girls seem to be the least enamoured with me. Which is funny in a way.
I only mention it because i have lost the ability to chat in the yahoo rooms now and have to sit there, mute, waiting for the right pm. A nice one , to answer.
Mistress' mother is coming round for dinner today i have to pick Her up and drive Her home. i love it when She comes to visit. Not really sure why. Something deep though.
Friday, 1 August 2008
I have been wearing my cage (under instruction from Mistress) when i get home from work for the past few days and have on most of those occasions been made to sleep in it without release. Last night, however, Mistress let me out so She could watch me play with myself. i was lucky enough to be asked, beforehand, to perform oral sex on Her although She was very in control and i was made to kiss Her panties for what seemed like ages before She would allow my tongue to venture any further. it was wonderful agony. She turned over and Her pantied bottom was presented for me to kiss. This worship of Her beautiful body must have taken an hour. i asked Her if i may be allowed out to play with myself and She allowed it. I lay on my back and She unlocked me and i took off the CB3000. I left the ring on because it means i can stay hard for up to 1 1/2 hrs if i need to. it took about two minutes for me to cum.
It was the thought seeing Mistress earlier in Her bra and panties, chatting on the webcam to nobody in particular. And the knowledge that Mistress will probably want me locked up all weekend.
I am really looking forward to having my toenails painted this weekend by Mistress and daughter.
Mistress says She hasn't heard from jean (her cd friend whom She thinks fancies me) or indeed Master Stephen (our escort for the BBB) and it's two weeks until we go there. Mistress hasn't mentioned much about it. I will just go with the flow.
Mistress txtd me at work today to tell me my Gloria Vanderbilt perfume had arrived. No i really cannot wait to get home, bath and shave and change into something nice. I haven't been told to cage myself when i get home, although Mistress does like to txt me at 5pm when She is on Her break and sometimes She likes to ensure that i am wearing it when i pick Her up from work at 7.30pm. so i guess i will wait and see. It's like the old days when i used to wear it for days on end and the strange thing is, i think it is right and proper. Sometimes i welcome the order to lock my cockette up. Of course it gets frustrating. But that is the idea.