Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Rose is Me

I told Mr. A about Rose. Here's how it happened. Firstly i emailed Mistress to ask Her to send me a Red Hot Chilli Peppers track to work. I signed the email, as always in my correspondence to Her, rose.

Mistress sent me the track and because i don't have speakers i forwarded it to Mr. A to see if it was the right song She had sent. Ten minutes later he called to me across the office, asking who Rose was. Damn. I couldn't stop shaking. I rolled two ciggies the best i could and ushered him outside with me. So, he asked, who is Rose? is that your pet name for your wife?

I told him no, it was Her pet name for me. First he laughed. Then he said no way. Then he asked if i wore womens clothes. I told him not all womens clothes like a skirt and stuff, but essentially i do adopt some feminine characteristics when i can. It's understandable that he was a bit shocked and i really wish i had never had to tell him, but he would have kept asking about Rose.

It's horrible to put my woes on someone who doesn't really want them. I told him that if i was going to tell anyone it would be him and that i am telling him because i trust him. I didn't tell him that i saw him as sensitive because one guy does not say that to another guy usually. Especially after a bombshell like i just dropped.

I told him i was taking hormones. Showed him my bracelet. He still looked and spoke in a slightly shocked way. Still seemed slightly bemused by it all. He said it was probably a phase i was going through. Mid life crises etc. I told him i didn't think so. I told him Mistress prefers Rose.

He asked if i was going to have a sex change. I told him i didn't know. For a brief minute i nearly cried, and that would have been it. I would never have shown my face in that office again.

I told him that it was a big thing for me to tell him this and hopefully he still saw me in the same light. I think that may be wishful thinking though.

My other concern is that half the office heard him ask me who Rose was. And i only hope he isn't questioned about it in my absence.

I emailed Mistress to tell Her what i had revealed to him. She asked of his reaction etc. I told Her and She said She loved me. Really and truthfully that is really all that has ever mattered to me. Her love.

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