Mistress was suffering from back spasms yesterday so She phoned me up and told me She wasn't going into work. I finished early so that i could help out. I was was probably more in the way than being of any use to Her, however. I cooked the dinner and then did a couple of hours of ironing.
It was a really nice day, even though Mistress was in pain, She said She had enjoyed being waited upon. Not just by me, but by the kids also who helped with washing up and general tidying etc.
We stayed together watching the telly until late in the evening and then when all the kids had gone to bed i went on cam for half an hour. I had to go and wake Mistress up at about 11.30. She was snoozing on the sofa. Whilst She turned of all the lights i put some nice Shemale porn on the computer and settled down in bed to watch it with Her. I was wearing my nighty and i had kept on the holdups from my cam session.
We watched a movie where a Shemale was was being used by two men. Three cocks on display. I lay there whilst Mistress brought me to climax. I wonder what She was thinking as i came on my belly - watching nothing but cocks and anal sex, and generally gay sex - albeit with lingerie.
This morning i am first in work again. Its now dark when i travel into work, and cold and wet.
The news from the finacial world is that the US have failed to agree to bail out the bankers over the toxic loans scandal. I am very pleased about this. I would like to see the banks get themselves out of their mess. I would like to see them helping each other to survive. Instead, even during this most testing of times, they are still hovering over each other like vultures. waiting for the first sign of weakness and then pouncing and buying each other up cheap. They are still not learning. And it's because of that that they really do deserve to go belly up.
My biggest fear is that there will be hawkish noises over the next couple of years towards securing oil wealth. the arab emirates may be looking over their shoulders as we speak. The last huge seismic downfall in the stock market came in the early 1930's and the only way that the world got itself out of it was to engage in World War 2. The factories once again srpung up and there was nearly full employment either in the army, or in munitions factories. Given that we in the west have survived the past 20 years by being nothing more than glorified money launderers we have no manufacturing base to rely upon to generate the next recovery. The best way to involve everyone in getting out of the mess is to engage us all in a huge war effort. That's my biggest fear.
I would like the 700 billion to be kept as a reserve fund to help the people at the bottom of the pile when things go wrong. Some sort of social help to those that need it. Rather than social help to bankers to whom the very idea of government intervention was, until last week, unthinkable.
It's such a massive shift of principals it makes me wonder what the cold war was all about. And the McCarthy witch hunts. When the dollar begins to fall spectularly over the next few days, we will be in the weirdest position of having the USA as a debt ridden third world country with lots of bombs. That's very dangerous. On the news in the UK yesterday there was an article about houses being repossessed in Detroit and then going on the market for less than £1000. That is truly shocking and makes me think that the USA is in far more serious trouble than they willing to admit to. If i was Obama or McCain i would say thanks but no thanks. SOmeone else can have this job for the next few years. It truly is a poisoned chalice and the only political winners will be those that come along one or two terms down the line.
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Monday, 29 September 2008
Weekend
It's Monday morning and the weekend has flown by.
Friday night i stayed up very late talking to a woman from London on yahoo chat. Just pleasantries really, but the time flew and it was nice chatting to her for so long. I couldn't wear makeup because of daughter's sleepover and the fear of scaring her friends to death if they saw me.
Saturday was spent mostly in jeans and t-shirt because of daughter having her friend round for a sleepover. Saturday evening i spent on webcam - made up with a wig. I didn't stay on too late because Mistress asked me to come to bed and we were both quite tired. I did a nice curry for dinner which went down well. I fried the chicken chunks in a little garlic and onion to seal them before throwing them into the sauce. It took a bit more time but they tasted superb.
I woke up on Sunday morning with my face still fully made up, although half of it had been left on the pillow. So before i left the confines of the bedroom i was feverishly cleansing my face. Then, with it half cleaned, i showered and tried to get the mascara off. I don't think it all came off and i spent the rest of the day with slightly dark eyelashes. I was cuddling my daughter last night and she asked me what i would like for xmas. I told her to just get me whatever she thinks is appropriate. She said a blonde permed wig would be appropriate. Mistress raised an eyebrow, because daughter was with her when she bought me the blonde wig a few weeks ago.
Not much to do at work today i believe. Still, i get in early a couple of hours before everyone else turns up. Usually it means i can get the bulk of my work done without any interruptions, but today it just means i can write my blog before i get some breakfast (two toast) and a ciggy.
Not sure if Mr A is in today. he's just finished a big job so he will be scratching around complaining at the lack of stuff to do. Things are supposed to be getting hectic in a couple of weeks with two or three big jobs kicking off. Hopefully i can stick around that long without phoning an agent and moving on to somewhere else. They have just given me £1.50 / hr rate increase so i think would like me to stick around. I certainly think they would have trouble fulfilling their short term commitments if i were to join a competitor. Obviously, being civil engineering, there has been a downturn in projects coming on stream but they are a huge company with projects worldwide so even the slump in this country will not stop the projects i am working on in Africa and the middle east. It's funny that when Mistress spoke to my agent recently to check on the rate increase, he told Her that my client had said i would be going to Dubaii for him to work with the team over there. I don't think that will happen. Nobody told me about it. I am happy at my desk. They also wanted me to go to Uganda in the next few weeks. They must be mad. I am too homely. I couldn't be away from the family for more than a week.
I'm hoping to take a week off sometime in October although i will need to get Mistress' permission. Five lie-ins in a row would be heaven. I could then spend all day dressed in something nice and relax and do some embroidery and help around the house.
Friday night i stayed up very late talking to a woman from London on yahoo chat. Just pleasantries really, but the time flew and it was nice chatting to her for so long. I couldn't wear makeup because of daughter's sleepover and the fear of scaring her friends to death if they saw me.
Saturday was spent mostly in jeans and t-shirt because of daughter having her friend round for a sleepover. Saturday evening i spent on webcam - made up with a wig. I didn't stay on too late because Mistress asked me to come to bed and we were both quite tired. I did a nice curry for dinner which went down well. I fried the chicken chunks in a little garlic and onion to seal them before throwing them into the sauce. It took a bit more time but they tasted superb.
I woke up on Sunday morning with my face still fully made up, although half of it had been left on the pillow. So before i left the confines of the bedroom i was feverishly cleansing my face. Then, with it half cleaned, i showered and tried to get the mascara off. I don't think it all came off and i spent the rest of the day with slightly dark eyelashes. I was cuddling my daughter last night and she asked me what i would like for xmas. I told her to just get me whatever she thinks is appropriate. She said a blonde permed wig would be appropriate. Mistress raised an eyebrow, because daughter was with her when she bought me the blonde wig a few weeks ago.
Not much to do at work today i believe. Still, i get in early a couple of hours before everyone else turns up. Usually it means i can get the bulk of my work done without any interruptions, but today it just means i can write my blog before i get some breakfast (two toast) and a ciggy.
Not sure if Mr A is in today. he's just finished a big job so he will be scratching around complaining at the lack of stuff to do. Things are supposed to be getting hectic in a couple of weeks with two or three big jobs kicking off. Hopefully i can stick around that long without phoning an agent and moving on to somewhere else. They have just given me £1.50 / hr rate increase so i think would like me to stick around. I certainly think they would have trouble fulfilling their short term commitments if i were to join a competitor. Obviously, being civil engineering, there has been a downturn in projects coming on stream but they are a huge company with projects worldwide so even the slump in this country will not stop the projects i am working on in Africa and the middle east. It's funny that when Mistress spoke to my agent recently to check on the rate increase, he told Her that my client had said i would be going to Dubaii for him to work with the team over there. I don't think that will happen. Nobody told me about it. I am happy at my desk. They also wanted me to go to Uganda in the next few weeks. They must be mad. I am too homely. I couldn't be away from the family for more than a week.
I'm hoping to take a week off sometime in October although i will need to get Mistress' permission. Five lie-ins in a row would be heaven. I could then spend all day dressed in something nice and relax and do some embroidery and help around the house.
Friday, 26 September 2008
The Weekend Starts Here
Friday morning. I am the first in work again. A nice couple of hours relaxation before the idiots turn up. Daughter has a sleepover arranged for tonight so Mistress told me to cover up my legs and not to walk around in my bare feet during this evening.
Last night we managed to get to bed earlyish - 11pm - and made love.
Friday, early evening. I walked mimi. She was very slow. And i had to pick her poo up in front of loads of traffic. Showered but have to dress in male stuff because of the sleepover. Hopefully later tonight i will get the chance to secrete myself away. I wonder if Mistress will let me put some makeup on for the webcam tonight. It might be a bit too risky as the girls are likely to be awake until the early hours, chattering and giggling etc.
It's weird. I have this feeling that i forgot to do something. Not sure what though. Haven't got to prepare dinner until after i pick Mistress up, because the girls are having a pj party meal - pizza and chicken wings and fizzy pop etc. Boys will be cooking their own (hopefully). Mistress and i have a nice steak with chips but it will be about 8.30 when we get to eat it. 5.30 now and tummy's rumbling. Have to watch my figure though. Maybe another cuppa.
Was only able to have a shower instead of a bath because of daughter's friends coming round so i couldn't shave my legs and one day's stubble is really gross. And i have socks on. Horrid.
Anyway i am going to see if i can find anymore of these lovely pictures out there in cyberspace. Hope you, dear reader, and You Mistress will forgive me if i touch myself.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Prejudice
Last night i wore some makeup. Even though i had yesterday off, Mistress gave me a nice lie in and then i bathed and shaved, i didn't wear makeup during the day. Mistress had to go to work just after lunch and when i got back from taking Her, No2 son was at home, sent home from college early. So that restricted Rose from being too apparent.
Last night I spent in makeup. I can't remember much. I think i might have been a bit drunk. This morning i double checked my eyes for mascara before i left for work. I wore pink panties to go with my pink shirt.
The work day was quite boring. There was one interesting conversation took place about an employee in the London office who has gone through SRS. At the time i saw her she made a visit to the Birmingham office and was male, except during one brief moment when she leant forward on the desk, my boss saw her lacy thong. That was it for him. He told everyone.
Today he was recounting that story to a few of us when it became apparent just how much bad feeling she must have come against. The guys were falling over themselves laughing at her predicament. She hit the most resentment from female staff when she asked if she could start to use the ladies' loo. Thankfully the company policy was more understanding and inclusive than some of the employees and she is now fully transitioned. Bless her.
But the thing that stuck with me most is what one of the guys said to Mr A. They were saying how they'd baulk at even acknowledging someone like that. At how ridiculous it all is - blokes in dresses. This idiot said to Mr A , you'd soon pummel them into the ground wouldn't you Mr A?
Now i think this was racial, or religious because of Mr A being pakistani origin and muslim. I was aghast. Mr A asked the guy, Neil, why he thought he would do something like that. Neil, said because they are deviants.
I should have said something then because it was such a slur on Mr A's character. He is the only person at work who knows about Rose and i would never have told him about my feminization had i thought he had an ounce of prejudice in him. I should have told the idiot Neil how obnoxious he is. Everyone knows it anyway. I'll apologize to Mr A tomorrow for not speaking up after such a disgraceful character assassination.
Last night I spent in makeup. I can't remember much. I think i might have been a bit drunk. This morning i double checked my eyes for mascara before i left for work. I wore pink panties to go with my pink shirt.
The work day was quite boring. There was one interesting conversation took place about an employee in the London office who has gone through SRS. At the time i saw her she made a visit to the Birmingham office and was male, except during one brief moment when she leant forward on the desk, my boss saw her lacy thong. That was it for him. He told everyone.
Today he was recounting that story to a few of us when it became apparent just how much bad feeling she must have come against. The guys were falling over themselves laughing at her predicament. She hit the most resentment from female staff when she asked if she could start to use the ladies' loo. Thankfully the company policy was more understanding and inclusive than some of the employees and she is now fully transitioned. Bless her.
But the thing that stuck with me most is what one of the guys said to Mr A. They were saying how they'd baulk at even acknowledging someone like that. At how ridiculous it all is - blokes in dresses. This idiot said to Mr A , you'd soon pummel them into the ground wouldn't you Mr A?
Now i think this was racial, or religious because of Mr A being pakistani origin and muslim. I was aghast. Mr A asked the guy, Neil, why he thought he would do something like that. Neil, said because they are deviants.
I should have said something then because it was such a slur on Mr A's character. He is the only person at work who knows about Rose and i would never have told him about my feminization had i thought he had an ounce of prejudice in him. I should have told the idiot Neil how obnoxious he is. Everyone knows it anyway. I'll apologize to Mr A tomorrow for not speaking up after such a disgraceful character assassination.
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Another Day of Service
I am at home tomorrow again. Mistress is being very generous with all this time off. If i really wanted to i could be in makeup now and a wig and i could be really girlified and wake up in the morning, late, and still have mascara on, but because i am tired i am just in my nighty. On cam again because i know Mistress wants to curl up in front of the fire and have some alone time.
She said to me today that She wanted me to Tongue Fuck Her tonight. That was her term. Not lick her. Fuck Her. But not with my cockette. With my tongue.
She looks very womanly tonight. Sexy. A tight red sweater and a long skirt. Almost ankle length. She looked very hot when we walked the dog. Nice red high heels. I had to walk especially slow for Her.
I hope She isn't too long, in Her slumbers in front of the fire because i am getting bored. I should be really happy about having tomorrow off. She hasn't even mentioned what chores i am supposed to be doing in the morning. maybe i will get off lightly and not have to do any maid work. But if i don't i will just sit here, out of Her way whilst She does it all and makes me feel guilty. I wonder if i will feel like putting on makeup in the morning. Earlier today i was convinced i would be made up tonight, and yet i am not. The feeling just drifted away.
Anyway as a reminder to myself, this was not a nice day. Not anyhting that was said. Just in my soul. Mistress will know. She'll know that i have been sad today. She'll also know that i don't know why. Hope the cloud lifts in the morning.
I think they will.
She said to me today that She wanted me to Tongue Fuck Her tonight. That was her term. Not lick her. Fuck Her. But not with my cockette. With my tongue.
She looks very womanly tonight. Sexy. A tight red sweater and a long skirt. Almost ankle length. She looked very hot when we walked the dog. Nice red high heels. I had to walk especially slow for Her.
I hope She isn't too long, in Her slumbers in front of the fire because i am getting bored. I should be really happy about having tomorrow off. She hasn't even mentioned what chores i am supposed to be doing in the morning. maybe i will get off lightly and not have to do any maid work. But if i don't i will just sit here, out of Her way whilst She does it all and makes me feel guilty. I wonder if i will feel like putting on makeup in the morning. Earlier today i was convinced i would be made up tonight, and yet i am not. The feeling just drifted away.
Anyway as a reminder to myself, this was not a nice day. Not anyhting that was said. Just in my soul. Mistress will know. She'll know that i have been sad today. She'll also know that i don't know why. Hope the cloud lifts in the morning.
I think they will.
Judgment
Mistress can judge me. Nobody else can judge me. So why when i get close to people do they think they can judge me? Tell me what to do? What to say? They are just part of the herd. Or flock. Flock is better. They have my ear and all they want to do is talk about themselves. And when i don't live up to their expectations they are put out by it. How sad that they feel they have to be part of me. How sad that instead of watching they want to participate. I never ask for help. I never ask for advice. I never ask for interference, and yet people seem to think they are worthy of offering it. what makes them better then me?. What makes them know what i need?.
Please do not judge me. I have seen so many fools who think they can. Opinions don't count. The herd is just the herd. You may even think that you are special. You might be. That does not matter. Only Mistress and me matter. Take me for what i am. Distant. Detached. Something that does not care about you. Bleating is background noise. Your needs are superfluous to my life. I am not here because i need you. I am not a shepherd nor a sheep. You will not get close. I hate that you think you know me. You will not know me. I am not for sharing.
You tell me how much you are struggling. You tell me how much in your life is wrong. You tell me how things never work out. What a hero you are. How resilient you are. How nobody listens. Nobody knows. Like i care. Like i am anything other than a man in lingerie you think you know.
To even believe in anything other than the distance that there will always be is fantasy. To judge me is your game but one not i play. To judge me makes me sad for you. You even ignore me because i have upset you. Yet i don't even care for you. A conversation does not equate to a rapport.
I despair at the pettiness of us all.
Please do not judge me. I have seen so many fools who think they can. Opinions don't count. The herd is just the herd. You may even think that you are special. You might be. That does not matter. Only Mistress and me matter. Take me for what i am. Distant. Detached. Something that does not care about you. Bleating is background noise. Your needs are superfluous to my life. I am not here because i need you. I am not a shepherd nor a sheep. You will not get close. I hate that you think you know me. You will not know me. I am not for sharing.
You tell me how much you are struggling. You tell me how much in your life is wrong. You tell me how things never work out. What a hero you are. How resilient you are. How nobody listens. Nobody knows. Like i care. Like i am anything other than a man in lingerie you think you know.
To even believe in anything other than the distance that there will always be is fantasy. To judge me is your game but one not i play. To judge me makes me sad for you. You even ignore me because i have upset you. Yet i don't even care for you. A conversation does not equate to a rapport.
I despair at the pettiness of us all.
Friday, 19 September 2008
Docs
I went to the doctors today because of my headaches - the whiplash from the car accident - so that he could give me some pain killers. I asked him to check my bloodpressure and it was high and he said i have to go back in two weeks. So I told Mistress and She said no more pills. I am going to have to look at breast development creams.
Long weekend ahead. Mistress has given me Monday off work to help Her around the house . I could really get used to this
Long weekend ahead. Mistress has given me Monday off work to help Her around the house . I could really get used to this
Thursday, 18 September 2008
My Day Off
Yesterday was wonderful. I spent all day with Mistress and from very early morning i was fully made up and in heels and panties and lacy top and stockings. I was called Rose all day. Mistress didn't work me too hard. She gave me the first hour to be on cam. I then set the cam so that people could see me changing the bedclothes and making the bed. I dusted and polished the bedroom and also vaccumed it. Then Mistress let me take another break. Whilst i was on this break, smoking and drinking tea and chatting on yahoo, She came in and told me to make Her a light meal. I did. It was really nice working in the kitchen in all my feminine glory.
Later i had to clean the bathroom. This time Mistress took some photos of me cleaning the bath and the toilet. Then She left me to clean it properly. She inspected my work and said i had done a good job.
Sometime after lunch i had to remove the makeup ready for when the kids came home. I think i managed to get most of it off. I showered and took Mistress to work. When i got home i washed up and cleaned the kitchen and started to prepare the spaghetti bolognese.
Note to self. This recipe was well received. Less basil, same oregano, a little bit of thyme and rosemary. One green chili.
I served the kids their dinners at 6pm and washed up after them, and then at 7.30 i went and got Mistress from work. Then i served dinner for Mistress and myself.
We watched the football and MrA texted me and told me to take today off too because he wouldn't be in work today . Mistress said i could if Mr A payed me for a day. (What has happened to Rooney?) and then we watched Raymond LeBlanc's show then we went to bed. Must have been tired. Overslept this morning.
Later i had to clean the bathroom. This time Mistress took some photos of me cleaning the bath and the toilet. Then She left me to clean it properly. She inspected my work and said i had done a good job.
Sometime after lunch i had to remove the makeup ready for when the kids came home. I think i managed to get most of it off. I showered and took Mistress to work. When i got home i washed up and cleaned the kitchen and started to prepare the spaghetti bolognese.
Note to self. This recipe was well received. Less basil, same oregano, a little bit of thyme and rosemary. One green chili.
I served the kids their dinners at 6pm and washed up after them, and then at 7.30 i went and got Mistress from work. Then i served dinner for Mistress and myself.
We watched the football and MrA texted me and told me to take today off too because he wouldn't be in work today . Mistress said i could if Mr A payed me for a day. (What has happened to Rooney?) and then we watched Raymond LeBlanc's show then we went to bed. Must have been tired. Overslept this morning.
Future Imperfect
I wonder if Mistress ever thinks about the future. Or rather, my future. Sometimes i have asked Her about it and She just says lets see what happens. I wonder what i will be. Will i keep changing. Will i go back. What will it be like. Why does where i am now seem so normal. How can She still love me. Is it a game. I am in charge of my own destiny aren't i? Once a sissy though, always a sissy. I prefer rose, She prefers rose. This is hard sometimes. Wanting to be either side of this place. If you become more male by acting more male and you become more feminine by acting more feminine then i will become more feminine because i don't want to act more male. Quite the contrary. Where did rose come from? And why is she so strong now? It has to be Mistress. Or did i just change and She allowed it? Did i want it? Not to begin with. I liked the idea. The chance to experiment. Relive some of my dressing moments from my youth. I can remember crying even then, only a few weeks after She had started me in panties. In the kitchen. How i confessed to having worn Her stuff before. God i must have been so pathetic to have given in. The thrill of it. This seems dark but it's not. i really like me - rose. I guess the hard part is letting go of Stephen. And wondering if that's the right thing. And wondering if Mistress has thought of that. Is this self pity? What do you care, reader? If it is i am sorry. I look back on these posts sometimes with horror at their content. Why, when i write, do i produce more copiously when i am down. Not down. Just thoughtful. Morose perhaps. Now i am starting to just drift. I lost my reason for writing this bit. I am on cam on yahoo in the trademark basque. A few viewers, a few pms telling me things like "u r hot" and " wow" and " i bet you have a nice ass". Now i am getting a bit cynical. This is a rant.
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
Maid for a Day
Mistress has told me to take tomorrow off work so that i can be dressed and made up for Her all day and do stuff around the house. I had 4 pills over the weekend but none yesterday.
I finished early today because the dog is at the vets having her hips xrayed, we think she had dysplacia and it's causing her some pain. The vet says she has awoken from the anaesthetic and we can pick her up in an hour or so.
Not much to write about on the feminization side of things except that I didn't wear lingerie or makeup on yahoo webcam over the weekend because i was quite tired. Although yesterday when i got home from work i put some face powder on and left it on all evening. Nobody noticed though. And before i went to bed last night i put some lipstick on before we made love. Mistress was sucking my boobs and i was calling Her a lezzie bitch. She seemed to like being called that.
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Multipill Persuasion
I was supposed to have a pill last night. Instead Mistress gave me two today.
Mr A did comment about my t-shirt he said i was showing off my muscles. Did he mean that?
Waiting now for Mistress to come to bed. Been a busy day for both of us. So tired.
Mr A did comment about my t-shirt he said i was showing off my muscles. Did he mean that?
Waiting now for Mistress to come to bed. Been a busy day for both of us. So tired.
Work
I am in work today. 7am. Waiting for Mr A to arrive although he won't be here until after 8am, even though it's due to him that i am here this morning.
He's been very down just lately, i think he is being bullied by his employers into producing stuff for which he is not given enough time. he wanted me to help him out yesterday but i had too many prior comittments to get through, so i thought i would offer myself to him today.
When i told Mistress yesterday that i would be working with MrA She giggled and said, "mmmm you'll be able to share your ciggies with him then, he will like that, I shall have to get you a nice girly lighter to use when you're with him". I wonder what She was insinuating?
I tried on the new shoes that Mistress got me last night, they are very comfy with a 4" heel. She also bought me some makeup which i didn't have chance to use because i was so tired last night i just vegetated in front of the telly with Mistress. She had me locked in the cb3000 all evening and throughout the night, even though She had promised to let me out to play with me. I didn't really mind though because I love Her and She knows whats best for sissies.
I am wearing a t-shirt and jeans for work today and i notice that my boobs do show under my clothes now. I am quite self-conscious about them and wonder if My A will notice or if he does notice, whether he will say anything.
Hopefully the day will pass quickly because i am very tired and i will be going to sleep on the sofa when i get home - if i can get the dog off it.
When i touch my nipples they spring up really quickly and poke out noticeably through the material of my t-shirt. They also feel really nice and sensitive and there is some soft flesh under them which means when i tug at them they pull out quite far. I am now running a finger over them and squeezing my legs together because it feels yummy. I really should get on with some work. Legs crossed. Girl mode. Be femme. Be Rose.
He's been very down just lately, i think he is being bullied by his employers into producing stuff for which he is not given enough time. he wanted me to help him out yesterday but i had too many prior comittments to get through, so i thought i would offer myself to him today.
When i told Mistress yesterday that i would be working with MrA She giggled and said, "mmmm you'll be able to share your ciggies with him then, he will like that, I shall have to get you a nice girly lighter to use when you're with him". I wonder what She was insinuating?
I tried on the new shoes that Mistress got me last night, they are very comfy with a 4" heel. She also bought me some makeup which i didn't have chance to use because i was so tired last night i just vegetated in front of the telly with Mistress. She had me locked in the cb3000 all evening and throughout the night, even though She had promised to let me out to play with me. I didn't really mind though because I love Her and She knows whats best for sissies.
I am wearing a t-shirt and jeans for work today and i notice that my boobs do show under my clothes now. I am quite self-conscious about them and wonder if My A will notice or if he does notice, whether he will say anything.
Hopefully the day will pass quickly because i am very tired and i will be going to sleep on the sofa when i get home - if i can get the dog off it.
When i touch my nipples they spring up really quickly and poke out noticeably through the material of my t-shirt. They also feel really nice and sensitive and there is some soft flesh under them which means when i tug at them they pull out quite far. I am now running a finger over them and squeezing my legs together because it feels yummy. I really should get on with some work. Legs crossed. Girl mode. Be femme. Be Rose.
Friday, 12 September 2008
Makeup
Mistress emailed me at work to tell me She has bought me some low heeled shoes for me to wear during the evenings. She has also bought me some makeup because, She says, I should be wearing it more often in the evenings.
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Sissified
I feel quite normal now. But earlier I didn't feel like putting on makeup. I didn't even feel like going on cam. But Mistress said She had bought new cleaning stuff for my eyes and face so i should. And i did.
Should i feel silly? i do .
Sissified by my Wife and made to like it.
Stop it . Stop these thoughts.
Just accept it
Should i feel silly? i do .
Sissified by my Wife and made to like it.
Stop it . Stop these thoughts.
Just accept it
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
Naughty Bits
This morning i emailed Mistress from work to tell Her how much i had enjoyed getting some makeup on again last night. She said She had got me some new cleanser and eye makeup remover so i could wear it every night.
I asked Her if She would be so kind as to put my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight.
I finished work quite early and was able to take Mistress to work. On the way She played with my cockette, and giggled when it started to grow, telling me to put it back in my pants. She told me if i wanted my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight i was to make sure they were shaved supersmooth.Yummy. She never mentioned the cage.
Now She is at work and i have to be horny for hours, so best thing is to get bathed, shaved and in chastity.
I asked Her if She would be so kind as to put my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight.
I finished work quite early and was able to take Mistress to work. On the way She played with my cockette, and giggled when it started to grow, telling me to put it back in my pants. She told me if i wanted my naughty bits in Her mouth tonight i was to make sure they were shaved supersmooth.Yummy. She never mentioned the cage.
Now She is at work and i have to be horny for hours, so best thing is to get bathed, shaved and in chastity.
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
My Sissy Verse
Mistress said She had read my ode to Her.She wondered why i hated Her sometimes. I told Her i just do. Because She is there. There for me in my darkest moments. When i need to feel hate. Self loathing followed by trying to blame someone else. Her. And She was also interested in what i had said about Her mother. She said i was right in thinking She was angry with her for her outburst at the party. She told me She had spoken to Her mother today on the phone and Her mother had not mentioned Friday night.
I am not surprised. It was my fault for almost being Rose when she came round. I just thought she might be sympathetic. Instead i think i scared her. Mistress doesn't seem to understand this i don't think. She believes Her mother should at least have spoken to Her first before telling everyone at the party about my toenails a girlish clothes etc. I sympathise with Her mother. Really. She may be so curious. I also am intrigued by sister in law's little snippet. When she said she wished she had been there when our daughter was painting my toes. I wish she had been there too. As long as she didn't bring Mistress' brother with her.
I am supposed to be in chastity at this moment. I promised Her i would be locked up before i picked Her up from work.
I guess i should go and do it.
Monday, 8 September 2008
Important
I just remembered what was important.
Mistress forgot to go to docs today so i didn't have my pill.
Why that's important is important
Mistress forgot to go to docs today so i didn't have my pill.
Why that's important is important
Jean
Jean phoned me a couple of times over the weekend. She left me messages asking how i was etc. I never got back to her. Something different with a drag queen. Something not quite feminine. Something very male.
I told Mistress that she'd phoned. I never even listened to all of her messages.
I cannot understand why she phones me instead of Mistress even though she has Mistress' number. It's as if she doesn't take me seriously.
I told Mr A about mother-in-laws outburst. He seemed genuinely concerned.
Sorry that this is so fragmented at the moment.
I never put my cb3000 on tonight. I don't feel like touching myself anyway. Mistress told me to put it on but i am either being a brat or just being realistic and wanting to be comfy. I won't do anything Mistress.
I was going to say something important but i forgot.
My team leader at work who is a real arsehole told me i looked nice today. Thats a bit weird.
I was flattered. The bastard. How dare he win me over so easy.
Even Mr A said i looked the bomb. I must have taken something and misheard.
I told Mistress that she'd phoned. I never even listened to all of her messages.
I cannot understand why she phones me instead of Mistress even though she has Mistress' number. It's as if she doesn't take me seriously.
I told Mr A about mother-in-laws outburst. He seemed genuinely concerned.
Sorry that this is so fragmented at the moment.
I never put my cb3000 on tonight. I don't feel like touching myself anyway. Mistress told me to put it on but i am either being a brat or just being realistic and wanting to be comfy. I won't do anything Mistress.
I was going to say something important but i forgot.
My team leader at work who is a real arsehole told me i looked nice today. Thats a bit weird.
I was flattered. The bastard. How dare he win me over so easy.
Even Mr A said i looked the bomb. I must have taken something and misheard.
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Mistress
Mistress. You are so knowing
You knew Rose before I did
You let me fail sometimes
And encourage me to succeed
You are superior to me in every way
You are my inspiration
Since we were almost children
You have been there.
You work so hard
You put everyone else before Yourself
You tolerate my weaknesses
I wallow in your strength
I will never be as strong as you
You are my life
Everything that matters to me comes from You
I imagine us old, and happy
Like i imagined us old and happy on the night we met
Seventeen and i met my Goddess
Seventeen and i was Yours
Please make me of me what you will
I so want to be Yours forever
Rose would not be here without You
I am such a weak sissy and you are Woman
My crutch. All i can give is Yours.
Your normality. My extravagance.
Your reality. My indulgences.
You worry and i worry for You
We have been through so much,
and still we giggle like kids
And embarrass our kids
I watch you age with such grace and beauty
I thank God for You.
I thank Your Mother for you.
I wish, with all my heart
That you love Rose
Even when she cries, or
Is sullen and temperamental
Sometimes it's scary
Feeling different
Wondering if there's a point
Where there's no turning back
And yet, You hold the reigns
Always guiding me. Thank Yyou.
i know i am not much of a man
And that i never was. But
Hopefully, as always, Love wins
I cherish our kisses
Sometimes i hate You but
i hate myself more
Two sides of the same coin
Because You are everything i feel
Mistress. my Wife. my Friend.
Thank You for just letting me be.
You knew Rose before I did
You let me fail sometimes
And encourage me to succeed
You are superior to me in every way
You are my inspiration
Since we were almost children
You have been there.
You work so hard
You put everyone else before Yourself
You tolerate my weaknesses
I wallow in your strength
I will never be as strong as you
You are my life
Everything that matters to me comes from You
I imagine us old, and happy
Like i imagined us old and happy on the night we met
Seventeen and i met my Goddess
Seventeen and i was Yours
Please make me of me what you will
I so want to be Yours forever
Rose would not be here without You
I am such a weak sissy and you are Woman
My crutch. All i can give is Yours.
Your normality. My extravagance.
Your reality. My indulgences.
You worry and i worry for You
We have been through so much,
and still we giggle like kids
And embarrass our kids
I watch you age with such grace and beauty
I thank God for You.
I thank Your Mother for you.
I wish, with all my heart
That you love Rose
Even when she cries, or
Is sullen and temperamental
Sometimes it's scary
Feeling different
Wondering if there's a point
Where there's no turning back
And yet, You hold the reigns
Always guiding me. Thank Yyou.
i know i am not much of a man
And that i never was. But
Hopefully, as always, Love wins
I cherish our kisses
Sometimes i hate You but
i hate myself more
Two sides of the same coin
Because You are everything i feel
Mistress. my Wife. my Friend.
Thank You for just letting me be.
Lovely Pretty Thoughts
Mistress i hope you read this still. I love you. I feel nice right now. You are asleep. I am on cam in my makeup. Just wanted to say to say that no matter what anyone thinks I love you.
Saturday, 6 September 2008
Belle of the Ball
Last night we went to a party. Mistress, daughter and I. It was a 21st party for Mistress' cousin and a lot of Her side of the family were there. Mistress had bought me a pink shirt for the occassion. I have never owned a pink shirt before.
We arrived earlyish and found seats on a table with Mother-in-Law and Mistress' brother and his wife.
Later into the evening the live music was loud, the guests had filled the hall and they all looked superb. Trainee doctors, all black tie and ball gowns. The drinks were flowing and Mother-in-Law was on red wine.
For some reason she began to tell everyone that would listen of what i was wearing when she came round the house the other weekend. Of the femme top and shaved legs and painted toes etc... She was in hysterics and i was giggling with her. She kept telling them and then apologizing to me, and laughing and telling them again. Mistress told sister-in-law that daughter likes to practice painting my toes and sister-in-law said she would like to have seen that. But Mother-in-Law kept on and on about it and Mistress was not amused. Mother in law commented that i had the right colour shirt on too and then collapsed in another fit of giggles. Later in the evening Mother in law stood behind me as i sat chatting to Mistress and Her brother and his wife and she stroked my freshly shaven head and told me it was nice.
When we got home, and after everyone was in bed, Mistress and i spoke about what Her mother had said. Mistress was very angry with Her mother for appearing almost callous in what she had said. I told Mistress that what she had said didn't bother me, but i was worried that Her mother had made that outburst because perhaps i had affected her more than she had let on when she saw me slightly femmed. For some reason i got really upset at that point and the next hour was spent sobbing and apologizing to Mistress for sobbing, and for being an embarrassment to her, and crying more and hoping that mother in law was ok and then crying because i felt guilty about being the cause of it . Mistress told me it was ok to cry. She gave me a pill and made me show to check i had swallowed it. She said maybe i should just wear t-shirt and jeans next time mother in law comes round and that just got me more upset because She was saying that Rose is not acceptable and i realised that yes, i am a sissy and i should not impose Rose on anyone and i am so sorry that mother in law felt the need to only speak about it when she was drunk.
Now , this saturday afternoon, the crying seems alien to me. But last night it was just floods of tears, i cannot remember crying so hard before. Not since i was little. And i have asked Mistress to see if Her mother wants to come round for dinner tomorrow. She has tried contacting her but has yet to ask.
I will just be good now, hopefully. My shoulders ache from sobbing last night and i must seem to be real prima donna to Mistress so i have taken myself out of Her way for a couple of hours so She and daughter can watch what they like on the telly because outside it is awful, we are having a month of rain in one day and we're waiting for the news reports to start saying that the rivers are bursting their banks again. It will be terrible if the same thing happens this summer as did last.
We arrived earlyish and found seats on a table with Mother-in-Law and Mistress' brother and his wife.
Later into the evening the live music was loud, the guests had filled the hall and they all looked superb. Trainee doctors, all black tie and ball gowns. The drinks were flowing and Mother-in-Law was on red wine.
For some reason she began to tell everyone that would listen of what i was wearing when she came round the house the other weekend. Of the femme top and shaved legs and painted toes etc... She was in hysterics and i was giggling with her. She kept telling them and then apologizing to me, and laughing and telling them again. Mistress told sister-in-law that daughter likes to practice painting my toes and sister-in-law said she would like to have seen that. But Mother-in-Law kept on and on about it and Mistress was not amused. Mother in law commented that i had the right colour shirt on too and then collapsed in another fit of giggles. Later in the evening Mother in law stood behind me as i sat chatting to Mistress and Her brother and his wife and she stroked my freshly shaven head and told me it was nice.
When we got home, and after everyone was in bed, Mistress and i spoke about what Her mother had said. Mistress was very angry with Her mother for appearing almost callous in what she had said. I told Mistress that what she had said didn't bother me, but i was worried that Her mother had made that outburst because perhaps i had affected her more than she had let on when she saw me slightly femmed. For some reason i got really upset at that point and the next hour was spent sobbing and apologizing to Mistress for sobbing, and for being an embarrassment to her, and crying more and hoping that mother in law was ok and then crying because i felt guilty about being the cause of it . Mistress told me it was ok to cry. She gave me a pill and made me show to check i had swallowed it. She said maybe i should just wear t-shirt and jeans next time mother in law comes round and that just got me more upset because She was saying that Rose is not acceptable and i realised that yes, i am a sissy and i should not impose Rose on anyone and i am so sorry that mother in law felt the need to only speak about it when she was drunk.
Now , this saturday afternoon, the crying seems alien to me. But last night it was just floods of tears, i cannot remember crying so hard before. Not since i was little. And i have asked Mistress to see if Her mother wants to come round for dinner tomorrow. She has tried contacting her but has yet to ask.
I will just be good now, hopefully. My shoulders ache from sobbing last night and i must seem to be real prima donna to Mistress so i have taken myself out of Her way for a couple of hours so She and daughter can watch what they like on the telly because outside it is awful, we are having a month of rain in one day and we're waiting for the news reports to start saying that the rivers are bursting their banks again. It will be terrible if the same thing happens this summer as did last.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
10 Day Chastity Challenge
This morning i am contemplating the prospect of ten days in chastity. I wonder if Mistress means me to wear the cb3000 to work also. This would be an advance in my training for sure.
Last night i spent caged. Mistress had me accompany Her to bed early. And told me we were going to sleep. No playing. We hugged and kissed and i pressed my cage into Her thigh, feeling myself grow and recognizing the tantalizing realization that i was not going to acheive release this time. Mistress told me She wanted me to take a pill. I duly did.
Somehow i found myself touching Her down there through Her panties. She told me to slap Her pussy through the panties. They were very snug fitting and the little three fingered slaps were certainly giving Her a certain amount of enjoyment. She found it amusing that i was tugging at the lock of my cage. Trying to get myself off. She sucked on my nipples then, which was even more infuriating and tortuous. They are so sensitive and i so wanted to orgasm.
Earlier last night i was on yahoo cam and i asked Mistress to demonstrate a caning for my viewers. That was nice.
My 10 day chastity starts this evening after i have bathed. God i wonder how frustrated and compliant i will be this time next week. Yummy.
Last night i spent caged. Mistress had me accompany Her to bed early. And told me we were going to sleep. No playing. We hugged and kissed and i pressed my cage into Her thigh, feeling myself grow and recognizing the tantalizing realization that i was not going to acheive release this time. Mistress told me She wanted me to take a pill. I duly did.
Somehow i found myself touching Her down there through Her panties. She told me to slap Her pussy through the panties. They were very snug fitting and the little three fingered slaps were certainly giving Her a certain amount of enjoyment. She found it amusing that i was tugging at the lock of my cage. Trying to get myself off. She sucked on my nipples then, which was even more infuriating and tortuous. They are so sensitive and i so wanted to orgasm.
Earlier last night i was on yahoo cam and i asked Mistress to demonstrate a caning for my viewers. That was nice.
My 10 day chastity starts this evening after i have bathed. God i wonder how frustrated and compliant i will be this time next week. Yummy.
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Put in my Place
I forgot to take my pill last night. Mistress forgot to give it me or i forgot to ask for it. One of the two. I should remind Mistress shortly.
On yahoo chat last night i wa sspeaking to a lady with whom i have chatted before. She doesn't speak much, but what She says holds a certain significance because before i had the opportunity to speak to her, a couple of years ago, i would speak to her husband. He is also a sissy. They have no children so she dresses him far more frequently than i could ever be allowed to. Anyway, i just happened to mention that Mistress was a little under the weather and this lady said that she hoped that i was pampering Mistress. I told her that i could do more to keep Mistress content. All the lady said was "of course you can" and i was dumbfounded. It was like an epiphany.
How can i so repeatedly forget my rightful place in the natural order. Somewhere near the bottom. How can i presume so readily that i have arrived. I thanked the lady for her kind and potent words. Hopefully i can act upon them.
I know the easy answer. The control mechansim. The cb3000. The sissymaker. Sissies should be in constant chastity to enable their emasculation. It's not rocket science. Once the sexual gratification of crossdressing can be released only under control, the pleasure of being feminine needs to be expressed in other ways. The sissy will become introspective. Less prone to bullish outbursts.
On yahoo chat last night i wa sspeaking to a lady with whom i have chatted before. She doesn't speak much, but what She says holds a certain significance because before i had the opportunity to speak to her, a couple of years ago, i would speak to her husband. He is also a sissy. They have no children so she dresses him far more frequently than i could ever be allowed to. Anyway, i just happened to mention that Mistress was a little under the weather and this lady said that she hoped that i was pampering Mistress. I told her that i could do more to keep Mistress content. All the lady said was "of course you can" and i was dumbfounded. It was like an epiphany.
How can i so repeatedly forget my rightful place in the natural order. Somewhere near the bottom. How can i presume so readily that i have arrived. I thanked the lady for her kind and potent words. Hopefully i can act upon them.
I know the easy answer. The control mechansim. The cb3000. The sissymaker. Sissies should be in constant chastity to enable their emasculation. It's not rocket science. Once the sexual gratification of crossdressing can be released only under control, the pleasure of being feminine needs to be expressed in other ways. The sissy will become introspective. Less prone to bullish outbursts.
Monday, 1 September 2008
Feminize me Please
The start of another working week and i am here bright and early, all smooth and pantied and smelling lovely. I was showing myself off again last night on my webcam. Chatting to some friends and politely thanking any strangers who saw fit to comment upon my appearance.
Mistress and i went to bed earlyish. But before i joined Her in bed i played Her a couple of bimbofication hypnosis files. Just to get Her started once again. She had on the most divine pair of orange frilly panties through which the soft plumpness of Her shaved pussy could be stroked. Indeed, we watched some adult movie clips of girls performing oral sex on huge penises whilst we played with each other. She barely held my cockette, just enough for me to feel Her touch as she stroked me tortuously towards my release. I remember begging to be allowed to put it inside Her but She would not allow it. I was to simply stroke Her through Her panties. After a while She pulled the front of Her panties out, inviting me to slip my fingers inside and tease her down there more effectively. I did so, becoming ever more agitated with Her delicate fingers on my cockette.
She climbed upon me as a i lay back and i thought She was going to guide me into Her. She told me She wanted to come on my belly. I was not put it in Her. Just play with Her and myself whilst i sucked Her breasts. I came with Her. Spent and sissified. Denied the chance the love Her like a man. Yet loving Her for doing the right thing.
This morning i mentioned to Her that it was my pill day today. I was hoping She would give me one before i set out for work but now it seems i will be waiting until this evening.
Yesterday i repainted my toes a deep red. I go barefoot about the house now so everybody sees my feet and neither of the boys has said anything about it. Although when my daughter saw them she commented that i could have made a better job of them. I teased her that they looked better than when she did them for me.
I hope the episode of me hating myself for being sissy isn't repeated for a considerable time now. I want to embrace it. The more aspects of my femininity that Mistress allows to be shown full time, the more it feels totally normal. I was standing outside earlier, smoking , and i wondered if i really would become a full time feminine person in the not too distant future. And i wondered if i would look back with fondness on the period of time between me looking for all the world male, and me becoming unmistakeably feminine. This sissy period is quite important i feel. It's a time when it may be up to me to sieze the moment. To make opportunities and not to eschew any potential changes. I must take every chance i am given to renounce my maleness. It's ok trying to be feminine. The tricky part is not being masculine.
I wore the cb3000 yesterday for a few hours. I was never going to wear that thing again, but I put it on to please Mistress. I need it. I would like a better chastity, perhaps a permanent one with a frenum piercing lock rather than a cockring. Something that could be worn for a whole year. Something that would completely emasculate me. I spoke to Mistress about a strap on last night because if she were to do me in that manner regularly and i was given to realise that that would be the way i had sex from now on She would find Herself in more control over me. Once again She said She wasn't ready for that, but She agreed that perhaps i should start wearing a butt plug regularly. I wait with eager excitement to see if that transpires.
Mistress and i went to bed earlyish. But before i joined Her in bed i played Her a couple of bimbofication hypnosis files. Just to get Her started once again. She had on the most divine pair of orange frilly panties through which the soft plumpness of Her shaved pussy could be stroked. Indeed, we watched some adult movie clips of girls performing oral sex on huge penises whilst we played with each other. She barely held my cockette, just enough for me to feel Her touch as she stroked me tortuously towards my release. I remember begging to be allowed to put it inside Her but She would not allow it. I was to simply stroke Her through Her panties. After a while She pulled the front of Her panties out, inviting me to slip my fingers inside and tease her down there more effectively. I did so, becoming ever more agitated with Her delicate fingers on my cockette.
She climbed upon me as a i lay back and i thought She was going to guide me into Her. She told me She wanted to come on my belly. I was not put it in Her. Just play with Her and myself whilst i sucked Her breasts. I came with Her. Spent and sissified. Denied the chance the love Her like a man. Yet loving Her for doing the right thing.
This morning i mentioned to Her that it was my pill day today. I was hoping She would give me one before i set out for work but now it seems i will be waiting until this evening.
Yesterday i repainted my toes a deep red. I go barefoot about the house now so everybody sees my feet and neither of the boys has said anything about it. Although when my daughter saw them she commented that i could have made a better job of them. I teased her that they looked better than when she did them for me.
I hope the episode of me hating myself for being sissy isn't repeated for a considerable time now. I want to embrace it. The more aspects of my femininity that Mistress allows to be shown full time, the more it feels totally normal. I was standing outside earlier, smoking , and i wondered if i really would become a full time feminine person in the not too distant future. And i wondered if i would look back with fondness on the period of time between me looking for all the world male, and me becoming unmistakeably feminine. This sissy period is quite important i feel. It's a time when it may be up to me to sieze the moment. To make opportunities and not to eschew any potential changes. I must take every chance i am given to renounce my maleness. It's ok trying to be feminine. The tricky part is not being masculine.
I wore the cb3000 yesterday for a few hours. I was never going to wear that thing again, but I put it on to please Mistress. I need it. I would like a better chastity, perhaps a permanent one with a frenum piercing lock rather than a cockring. Something that could be worn for a whole year. Something that would completely emasculate me. I spoke to Mistress about a strap on last night because if she were to do me in that manner regularly and i was given to realise that that would be the way i had sex from now on She would find Herself in more control over me. Once again She said She wasn't ready for that, but She agreed that perhaps i should start wearing a butt plug regularly. I wait with eager excitement to see if that transpires.
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